Are you a 'Stewer' or a 'Spewer'?

[Beekissed]

Neither. When angered I get more calm, talk more quietly and calmly, confront the situation or person in a concise tone if the situation calls for it~if not, then I just remain quiet~ and then let it go. I don't spew nor do I stew, just take care of business and roll on. Life's too short to let anger rule ya.

I grew up in a family of spewers and stewers and I resolved to be neither...both are so incredibly harmful to relationships that I can't imagine anyone feeling like either way is good communication.

 

[digitS']

I have known a family for a couple of decades. One daughter is the same age as my son. Her parents are gone now but I thought it was interesting that she described her mother as a "spit-fire" when talking to her sister the other day. Apparently, they thought that this was an okay description, maybe even admiring her for that.

I'm out on a limb, trying to determine female behavior but I knew this mother and her husband a little. I wasn't an admirer. They had a terrible relationship and were separated for a good number of years in old age. His temper was more apparent to me than hers. Honestly, I wondered how she ever put up with him.

Anyway, mother and the daughter I know best had and have personalities that seem rather tragically dependent on the men in their lives. I've watched the daughter go through 3 marriages. The mother had one son living with her until she passed away. As best as I can see, he was and is, an absolute alcoholic bum. If he ever has a job, it never lasts more than a month or two. His sister doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with him.

If mother was a spit-fire, I don't think it did her much good. I like the daughter - she's out there trying to have a good life, everyday. But, she will put up with a lot of bad behavior from the men in her life. I am sad about that and look on in dismay at the lives of her two, now adult sons.

Steve

 

[ninnymary]

Steve, usually women who put up with bad behaviour from men have low self esteem. One of my close friends put up with a guy for 10 years! After she had cancer, I tried to encourage her to live life to the fullest and to be happy. I think it is better to live alone than to be miserable with someone. She finally left him but still keeps in touch almost daily. Some people you can't help if they won't help themselves.

As I've gotten older, many of the things that bothered me when I was younger don't anymore. It's not worth it to be angry or unhappy. I just let things go. I try to be forgiving and kind to others. Many times I'm the one to extend the olive branch and that's ok with me. I know it's harder for some people. So I guess I'm not a stewer or spewer.

Mary

 

[digitS']

Doggone it, Mary. I know a guy who left his wife after her cancer diagnosis. Reminds me of a certain political figure.

Anyway. She was probably fairly well balanced but they had an on-again, off-again relationship over about 20 years. Separation was lengthy and she was a tuff lady. Then, she had cancer.

The one thing I really wish she had done was to look her children straight in the eye and make them promise her that they would not use tobacco ...

Husband and father left immediately. Kids grown. I was related to her as an in law. He was a tuff guy ... oh yeah. One tuff guy. The jerk. No. Of course, he didn't come to the funeral.

This other family isn't mine, I've just known them a long time. It's probably fortunate that I don't see the brothers, often. The alcoholic bum has an older brother who is a fairly successful guy. He isn't the most even tempered fella ... but nobody matches the volatility of the father, I guess. The friend's sons must take after their uncle, the bum. Sex and drugs, seem to be what they "do."

I'm not getting very far out on the limb, judging women. I'm not quite so restrained with regards to the boyz. Women have a "civilizing" effect on boyz. That's enuf responsibility.

I was academically trained by anthropologists. One met Margaret Mead. Two didn't just meet her but were students of her husband. I subscribe to the idea that sexual roles in society are mostly learned behavior. That was central to Margaret Mead's contribution to the social sciences.

Boys will be Boys and testosterone only gets you so far ... in my book.

Steve

 

[aftermidnight]

Believe it or not, in 60 years of marriage hubby and I have never fought, maybe the reason is when I get annoyed or peed off I go quiet until I cool off, life is just too short to waste it fighting. Mind you I'm not a shrinking violet either, if needed I can get from an angel to hell on wheels in 49 seconds.

Annette