One you've probably seen before.

[Sam BigDeer]

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2017-01-17, 1:43 am. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled
the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when
I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber
Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it
was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of
what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That
made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Trump as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution
is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path
you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,

Semper fi, Alex
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From Sam

 

[thistlebloom]

That is awesome! Love it.

 

[Nyboy]

Much better punishment then getting slap on wrist in court

 

[Ridgerunner]

That's funny. I actually got retribution once. This was way back in the dark ages when we had pagers instead of mobile phones. True story.

I took my kids to a Mardi Gras parade outside New Orleans (in the suburbs the parades are family friendly). I had a pager from work that I hid in the car instead of carrying with me as I was concerned with pickpockets. While we were at the parade someone broke into several cars where we were parked. We reported it to the police but they were not all that interested.

I got a new pager and decided to keep the same phone number. I started getting some strange phone calls from numbers I did not recognize. If I was at work I'd return the call since the call going through the switchboard hid my number. If I was at home I'd go to a nearby pay telephone booth and return the call. I did not want them tracing my home phone number. Like I said, the dark ages. There were actually phone booths so you could get to a public phone.

I chatted with some really interesting people. I found out his name and where he lived. A few times I 'd call the number and punch in some different local police department phone numbers so he could return that call. I had a good chat with his counselor at the junior college he was attending. There were a few others. His grandmother and I had a couple of nice chats. She had raised him and had obviously tried, but was very disappointed in him. She was a really nice person.

I think the series of calls I liked the best were with two of his girlfriends. They didn't know about each other until we chatted. Both seemed glad to get that information.

It took him about two weeks to get everyone to stop using that pager phone number. I heard he was arrested about three months later in a neighboring town, I don't remember the charge.

 

[bobm]

 

[Beekissed]

Love it!!!! Both stories!!!