The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day in December... Wife: "Windows frozen." Husband: "Pour some warm water over them." Wife: "Computer completely messed up now."
A piece of string walks into a cafe. The attendant says they won't serve him... he's a string. The string goes out, and ties himself. The string walks back in. The Attendant says "Didn't I tell you I would not serve a piece of string?" The string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot"
A little kid opens a box of Animal Crackers. The mom leaves him alone in the kitchen for a couple of minutes and then returns to see a giant pile of crackers on the kitchen table. She asks "What are you doing?" The little kid responds "The box said 'do not eat if seal is broken'. I am looking for the seal."
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale? A: A Northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairy tale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this!
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.”
A 4 year old’s prayer: “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
@Smart Red and @baymule 
Lucky for me beer 6.1, NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and golf clubs 4.1 have never been an issue. 
I think I like my older model and will stay with it. 
