Are you a 'Stewer' or a 'Spewer'?

[canesisters]

The drift on the 'eating soap' thread got me thinking about how different we react to strong feelings.
How do you react to anger? REAL ANGER, not just miffed or offended. Do you react different depending on who caused you to feel that way?

For me, frustration and anger go hand in hand more often that not. I can be mad about something and try to fix it. But when I can't find a 'fix' - that's when it sometimes gets hot. Long-time friends know that if something is happening that I 'should' be mad about, and I start crying instead.... one of two things are about to happen - either I get silent, or I'm about to make a scene.

 

[Nyboy]

I am Italian we handle anger all same. Yell as loud as we can for as long as we can. I never understood people who broke things when angry. I had a friend who would throw and smash things when in a rage. Not only do you have to clean the mess up, but shell out money for replacement.

 

[aftermidnight]

I had to think about this for a minute, I usually go silent, best I not open my mouth, wouldn't be pretty, vigorously pulling weeds is something else I do when angry or frustrated.
Annette

 

[Pulsegleaner]

My mom and sis is a "volcano" she gets mad at the drop of a hat, screams and yells, then gets over it. My dad is a "stewer" he takes a while to get mad, but when he does, he holds onto it for a long time. I unfortunately, got the worst of both deals, I blow up at the drop of a hat, then hold the grudge and eventually blow up AGAIN (often an even bigger blow up than the first one) and this cycle repeats, usually until I pass out from exhaustion (it's one of the things I am in therapy for)

As for what I do, I usually go and hide somewhere. This doesn't really do anything to calm me down, but at least it gets me away from everyone else (If I get angry enough, things can get dicey)

 

[digitS']

There is probably a middle ground, Debbie.

I remember how both my parents reacted so strongly to my youthful anger and my need to control it. I was surprised! I believe that I was just trying to control whatever situation I found myself in. They were probably just asking me to reflect on the situation and what others thought before going off, half-cocked.

Them: People say that you don't listen to them.
Me: People are so stupid!
Them: How's that working for you, Steve?

Them: You need to eat well, get regular sleep, stay away from the crap.
Teenage Me: I took some aspirin!
Them: How's that working for you, Steve?

It's like jumping over all the work, to just get angry. Maybe if I had some power, I'd get "my way." That's all there is to life? Sounds like as much a tragedy as never getting my way.

What have I learned that others think/believe? What's my notion? What am I doing to find out for sure/or just more? What did I learn?

arguably Steve

 

[seedcorn]

Younger, did not control my anger well.

Now, I tend to get quiet. Ask myself is this the Hill I want to die on. If yes, argument is on. If not, I do my best to just blow it off. Wife's family is of opinion, think it, say it. I've learned you can't get words back or apologize enough. Even true things don't have to be said.

 

[Smart Red]

Depends. No, not the diaper, the situation.

If I am concerned about something I perceive is upsetting to another person, I will initiate a 'discussion' on their behalf in an effort to resolve the conflict even if I know I'll possibly get in trouble for politely spewing (helping). If I am concerned about something I perceive is upsetting to me I may express my feelings, but I tend to internalize them, get quiet, and ultimately make myself ill while stewing.

 

[baymule]

If you could hear my husband and I in a disagreement, you'd think we were about to kill each other, but we usually end up laughing. When he gets angry, he spews. He rages at the top of his lungs-usually over something that doesn't amount to a hill of beans. I just let him rave on.....

When I get angry, deeply angry, I go quiet. It takes a WHOLE LOT to make me angry and when someone gets me to that point, I usually don't have anything more to do with them.

Life is too short to go around mad, so I don't hold a grudge. I don't hate anyone, maybe there are people I don't like, but I won't waste my time hating them.

 

[seedcorn]

Agree, life is too short to waste a second hating someone.

 

[journey11]

Sometimes I wish I were a little more outspoken, assuming I could be on the ball enough to articulate myself loud and clear...this pertains to encounters in the moment, spoken conversations. (For touchy threads, there is always the edit button, time to reread what I typed before I hit send or just avoid it in the first place.) I've struggled with a lot of regret in the past for not just saying what I needed to say and clearing the air. I'd rather have the blow up and get it over with instead of carrying around resentment and feeling powerless. The only person I've ever had a major blow up on was my grandmother who tormented me for years. It wasn't pretty. Probably would have been better to communicate by venting a little all along, standing up to her as it was relevant, rather than let loose a Molotov cocktail of 20 year's worth of hurt feelings. For the most part, I really try to avoid confrontation. So much is just ridiculousness and I try to let most things go.