Dad Threw Roommate Out Last Night.

[catjac1975]

out of the mouths of babes. Anyone here old enough to remember Art Linkletter's "Kids say the dardest things". Some parents had some very embarrassing moments.

Annette

He also told me one day that he told his teachers on me for yelling at him 2X and breaking his heart. If you saw the drama in his delivery.I said, "You told on me?" Well you broke my heart the time I banged on your knew car with a shovel, and when I almost hurt the baby chicks." I guess they gave me a pass for the 2 extreme events.

 

[catjac1975]

I should have been punished much more then I was. my parents never found out about 75% of the things I did.

You're just an animal..My brothers used to tell stories of their youth and my Mom would just say "Stop telling me these things.."

 

[so lucky]

Y'all would probably think I was the meanest thing coming and going. Spankings are necessary. Period. If you love your child, discipline has to happen. Whenever I hear about someone who never gave their child a spanking, I know there goes a child whose parents put their own feelings in front of the well being and character of their own children. In other words, they loved themselves too much to do the hard work of parenting in the way it should be done.

People often get it confused that beatings are discipline and that spankings are beatings. Beatings are punishment...there's no place for that in raising a child. Spankings are discipline and it's not a big person hitting a small person for the fun of it all or to bully them or because they are angry...if you are spanking while angry, you are doing it wrong. It's a negative reinforcement just like all the other~ less effectual~ negative reinforcements such as time outs, groundings, sending one to their room, etc. Some things call for a time out, some things call for a spanking. Simple as that.

Nothing more, nothing less. No need to demonize it like it's something horrible or mean, it's actually love in its purest form. Nothing hurts a parent more than having to inflict temporary physical pain on their own child to affect a positive outcome....except maybe seeing their child grow up to hurt themselves and others simply because their parents didn't do their job while they were young enough to shape their character.

Bee, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree that other forms of negative reinforcement are less effective than spanking. Being sent to their room (not one with TV and all the electronics and toys, of course) or put in isolation is more of a deterrent.
Even primitive humans knew that isolation from the group was the most effective form of punishment. Lots of kids view spanking as just the necessary but acceptable consequence for getting to do what they want. As one kid told me "It doesn't hurt long."

And refusing to spank a child is not being "lazy." It takes thoughtful consideration to give effective discipline that is meaningful for the kid. And of course the best deterrent of bad behavior is wanting to please your parent. If your child loves and respects you, (not fears you) he will be eager to get your positive attention. Which is a whole 'nother piece to the puzzle. To lots of kids, any attention is better than no attention. And they only know how to get negative attention, so strive for that.

 

[seedcorn]

Fear is not necessarily a bad thing. It changes all of our behavior. With no fear, we'd take too many risks. We would disobey all laws-except for one we wanted. Without love, fear is a faulty method.

I work with a bad behavior child that uses isolation discipline to his advantage. He knows all they can do is send him to office. Gets him out of any work at all. Kills me. Smart kid that has been taught that there is no punishment for his bad behavior.

The thing about spankings as discipline is it is immediate and over. Debt paid, let's get on. More than I care to acknowledge, Dad would come home, address an issue on my seat of learning, then we sat down to supper as a family. I would rather take a real beating than pick strawberries......I grow strawberries but only enough to eat fresh or make a batch of strawberry rhubarb jam.

 

[Smart Red]

As I've mentioned before, I am not an advocate of spanking.

That said, every child and every parent is different. What works for me may not work for my neighbor or her children or even my neighbor and each of her children.

As long as there is love, consistancy, love, respect, and love, any family should be able to work through bad behaviors in due time.

Without those virtues, no amount or type of punishment will suffice in the long run.

Fear of doing wrong is much different from fear of getting caught. Fear of punishment is much different from fear of disappointing family. Fear alone is not a good behavior enhancer. . . it often makes for sneakier children not better ones.

 

[seedcorn]

Red, I think "what a good adult is" is up for interpretation. Healthy fear (some might call it respect) is a good thing. Like all discipline actions, age, degree of knowledge, infraction, etc all have to be taken into account. You having survived the educational field has to have seen countless kids who fear nothing that anyone can do to them. I put 100% of the blame on the parents. If that behavior is not (Barney Fife quote-nipped in the bud) they will eventually be a guest of our prison systems.

 

[aftermidnight]

When I was young, the strap in school was administered by the principal, no-one wanted to be called to the principals office. Although I'm not catholic my first 5 years I went to school at a catholic convent and was taught by the nuns, each nun had a razor strap attached to their belt and if you didn't toe the mark you ended up with pretty sore hands. The strap was outlawed at least in public schools when our kids were in elementary school. Talking to the principal one day he had been all for it but now thought it was one big mistake.

The only time I was punished in school was in grade 2, I had very long pigtails and the girl behind me continued to pull them, I told sister but she did nothing. The next time she tried it I stood up and slapped her across the face. I didn't get the strap but sister gave me a few swats with a cane. All I can say is that girl didn't try it again and stayed clear of me.

Thinking back, I along with all my friends were spanked when we did something wrong, made us think twice about trying it again or anything else that would warrant a spanking. I can't think of any of the kids I knew back then no matter what their background were, whether they were from a well to do family or not all turned out to be respectful, responsible adults, not like today. We had the meaning of respect along with a few other things instilled in us at an early age and yes most of the time it was by way of the "seat of learning".

I can't say for others but when my kids were preschool age it only took one smack on the dairy-aire, usually a well padded one if we were out in public. It let them know bad behavior would not be tolerated, knowing what would follow if they misbehaved pretty much nipped it in the bud from then on. It was a joy and actually fun to take them shopping with me. They all learned at an early age wrong choices only led to consequences.

The teenage years were handled by taking away privileges, sometimes it hurt me more than it hurt them. They were pretty good kids compared to a lot in the 70's, and waiting out the time limit on whatever was taken away from them at times was harder on me than on them. Nobody loved their kids more than I did and still do.

In the toddler stage mine always wore a harness, if I stopped to look at something I'd slip it around my leg, Overprotective maybe but they can disappear in a moment and if you have to go looking for them you usually head off in the wrong direction, better to be safe than sorry.

All three of ours have on many occasions, thanked us for the way they were raised, which make me think I couldn't have been too off base.

 

[Nyboy]

When my mother took us to a store we would hang out in the toy dept. When my mom was finished shopping and ready to check out she would come and get us.I once went to the mall with my sister and her 2 kids, my sister wanted to try something on in the dressing rooms. She said to me while I am gone do not take your eyes off my kids for a second. Allowing kids freedom is longer safe.