Garden humor thread..

[Ridgerunner]

He: I just noticed something in the living room. Did Kewpie have a little accident on the living room floor?
She: Why yes, she did. What are you clairvoyant or something?
He: Nah, I could see the evidence as soon as I walked in the room.
She: How could you? I thought I completely cleaned everything up.
He: You did, that's how I could tell. I saw there was a clean spot on the carpet.

The Born Loser

 

[Ridgerunner]

Friend: Lil, what do you think angels in heaven do for fun?
Lil: When I was little my father used to tell me that thunder was the sound of angels bowling. I always thought that sounded like a lot of fun!
Friend: It sure does. ........... Do they have beer frames in heaven?
Lil: They will when I get there.

Diamond Lil

 

[Ridgerunner]

Hilda: Good night Hagar (as Hagar is kneeling beside the bed.)
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.
.
.
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Hilda: (as she wakes up to sunlight) You've been praying all night!

Hagar: Not exactly, I've been confessing my sins.

Hagar the Horrible

 

[PennyJo]

all great goofy one liners love punch lines

 

[digitS']

Elma has a slug Festival

Elma is a city in Grays Harbor County, Washington, United States. The population was 3,107 at the 2010 census. Home of the Satsop Nuclear Power Plant the average yearly precipitation is over 65 inches. ~ Wikipedia

digitS'

 

[baymule]

Ben Wheeler, Texas has a feral hog festival.

 

[lcertuche]

This reminds me of when Daddy's friend decided to leave his truck at our house and ride with Daddy. We filled his gas tank with rocks and dirt. Daddy was not amused!

 

[PennyJo]

Elma is a city in Grays Harbor County, Washington, United States. The population was 3,107 at the 2010 census. Home of the Satsop Nuclear Power Plant the average yearly precipitation is over 65 inches. ~ Wikipedia

digitS'

Ya the plant was never finished.. now they are trying to make it a tourist trap with shops and a restaurant.. most do not have jobs because of an owl

 

[Sam BigDeer]

One you've probably heard...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A guy is driving around the back woods of West Virginia and he sees a sign in front of a broken down Jenny Lynn house: 'Talking Dog for Sale'. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services...the United States Marines. You know one of their nicknames is 'The Devil Dogs.'
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down.
I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?' 'Because he's such a bull-****ter. He never did any of that. He was in the Navy!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Love to all, Sam...

 

[PennyJo]