OldGuy43
Garden Ornament
With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore. 
Twas the Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas,
and it's still in the house.
The family is sleeping
so I'm quiet like a mouse.
I look at my watch
and midnight is near.
I think I'll slip out
for a cold glass of beer.
Down at the corner
the crowd is so merry
I end up by drinking
about twelve Tom & Jerry's.
I get to bed late
and gee rest how I'm sleeping.
When onto my bed
those darn kids they come leaping.
They sit on my face
and they jump on my belly,
and I'm quivering all over
like a bowl full of jelly.
They scream, "Merry Christmas!"
My poor wife and me.
We stumble downstairs
and she lights up the tree.
My head is exploding.
My mouth tastes like a pickle.
I step on a skate
and fall on a tricycle.
Before Christmas dinner
I relax to a point.
Than relatives start swarming
all over the joint.
On Christmas
I hug and kiss my wife's mother.
The rest of the year, uhhh
we don't speak to each other.
After dinner my aunt
and my wife's uncle Louie
get into an argument.
They're both awful screwy.
And all my wife's family
say Louie is right,
and my goofy relations
they join in the fight.
Back in the corner the TV is playing,
and over the racket Scott Pelley is saying,
"Peace on Earth everybody and good will towards men."
and just at that moment, someone slugs uncle Ben!
They all run outside whooping
so the neighbors will hear.
Gee I'm glad Merry Christmas
comes just once a year.
Twas the Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas,
and it's still in the house.
The family is sleeping
so I'm quiet like a mouse.
I look at my watch
and midnight is near.
I think I'll slip out
for a cold glass of beer.
Down at the corner
the crowd is so merry
I end up by drinking
about twelve Tom & Jerry's.
I get to bed late
and gee rest how I'm sleeping.
When onto my bed
those darn kids they come leaping.
They sit on my face
and they jump on my belly,
and I'm quivering all over
like a bowl full of jelly.
They scream, "Merry Christmas!"
My poor wife and me.
We stumble downstairs
and she lights up the tree.
My head is exploding.
My mouth tastes like a pickle.
I step on a skate
and fall on a tricycle.
Before Christmas dinner
I relax to a point.
Than relatives start swarming
all over the joint.
On Christmas
I hug and kiss my wife's mother.
The rest of the year, uhhh
we don't speak to each other.
After dinner my aunt
and my wife's uncle Louie
get into an argument.
They're both awful screwy.
And all my wife's family
say Louie is right,
and my goofy relations
they join in the fight.
Back in the corner the TV is playing,
and over the racket Scott Pelley is saying,
"Peace on Earth everybody and good will towards men."
and just at that moment, someone slugs uncle Ben!
They all run outside whooping
so the neighbors will hear.
Gee I'm glad Merry Christmas
comes just once a year.
