Garden humor thread..

[PennyJo]

gosh all I need to get up earlier

 

[PennyJo]

A young man was puzzled when he heard that a new mother was planning to use a breast pump. He was not the brightest crayon in the box. As a matter of fact, I don't think he even had a box. However he was a basketball player. So, the follow up question regarding the breast pump.... Are you ready????? A breast pump? Does that fill it up with air so the milk can come out?

 

[Ridgerunner]

This cream contains Beta Carotene. The body converts it into Vitamin A, which helps encourage cell turnover. Green Tea Extract helps reverse UV damage and colloidal oatmeal treats skin irritation. Soy helps skin look brighter and evens the tone by inhibiting overproduction of melanin. While Vitamin C has always battled sagging and dullness. So you see the secret to youthful-looking skin lies in natural, healthy ingredients and occasional injections of botulinum toxin.

From Dustin


Sire, a rider in the night comes with a message.
All is fine.
You rode a hundred miles at night to tell me this?
I’m an insomniac.

From Wizard of Id.


This has to be the worst reality show on TV. I can’t believe the stupidity!
What show is it?
C-Span’s coverage of congress.

From Shoe


What’s in the box, Gladys?
I bought donuts.
You bought a whole box of donuts?
Yes, I wanted one of each kind of donut the store had so I could sample them all and determine my favorite kind of donut.
But you just did that last month and decided you liked jelly donuts the best.
Yes, but I wanted to check again to make sure my tastes haven’t changed since them.

From The Born Loser



Guard: Halt! Where are you headed nomad?
Nomad: I seek a land of blue skies and fair weather. A land of natural beauty that will attract the eye.
One guard to another: Isn’t it great that such a lover of nature still exists!
A character to Nomad: Cheer up Abdul. Sooner or later you’ll find land to build your strip mall.

From Crock


Radio Commentator: We’re back with our old pals Alice and Elmont for more street talk. Okay, Panel, how do we feel about Global Warming? Any impact on the homeless? Jump ball.
Elmont: I got this. First of all anyone who’s ever licked a lamppost in January knows global warming is a total crock! Besides the whole weather system is rigged! Ever Googled wind chill “factor”? I have. Rigged like you wouldn’t believe Jack. It’s all a conspiracy! A Chinese scam to get us to buy their bottled water and steaks.
Commentator: You know Elmont, your time may have finally arrived.
Alice: I was about to say.
Elmont: Hello? It’s been pulling into port for years!

From Doonesbury


Got to love the Sunday comics, but they might be too political for some.

 

[Carol Dee]

 

[Smart Red]

L O V E being a grandma!
Yup! "Grandma says" trumps everything everyone else says.
Have to be careful what you say to keep peace in the family, though.

 

[PennyJo]

Ridgerunner and Carol Dee

 

[Smart Red]

Only 29 posts to 10,000 for me.

 

[seedcorn]

When my son was very young, he told me that if I spanked him, he'd tell G'ma and she would spank me.

 

[Smart Red]

Probably would, too. My son told his little ones -- when they tried to spank him -- that only Grandma could spank him.

 

[PennyJo]

Really seedcorn I would have gotten a extra swat for that one