Garden humor thread..

[Ridgerunner]

That's great. We're eating out with my wife's brother an his wife tonight. I've already printed it off so I can sing it to them. It is so appropriate.

 

[ninnymary]

I love it Nyboy. Someone is very creative with lyrics!

Mary

 

[Smart Red]

sorry I hit it twice and cant delete it !!!

Not necessarily your fault, @desertlady. That happened to me this morning and I know I didn't hit enter twice. I was able to delete by going to edit at the bottom of my post and getting the delete option after that.

The same thing happened last week to me and to another member. Just a temporary glitch that makes everything more fun.

Love the watermelon! Can I get a few seeds?
.
.
.
.Kidding of course!

NOPE! Ya can't delete after so long I guess. I noticed right away and was able to delete my double post. I can't delete older posts of mine in another thread so it must be time sensitive.

 

[journey11]

View attachment 5430

Oh, I am so totally going to try that! If the weather were cold enough on April 1st, that would be perfect. But I don't know if I could hold out that long....

 

[canesisters]

 

[Ridgerunner]

Julie Andrews Turning 79

To commemorate her birthday , actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a
special appearance at Manhattan 's Radio City Music Hall for a benefit.
One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the
legendary movie* Sound Of Music.

Here are the lyrics she used:* (Sing It!) - If you sing it, its hysterical!!!
pause between words


Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting, > Walkers and handrails and
new dental fittings, > Bundles of magazines tied up in string, > These are a
few of my favorite things.*

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, > Polident and Fixodent
and false teeth in glasses, > Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with
swings, > These are a few of my favorite things.*

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak, > When the knees go bad, I
simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so bad.*

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions, > No spicy hot food or food
cooked with onions, Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring, >
These are a few of my favorite things.*

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin', > Thin bones and
fractures and hair that is thinnin', > And we won't mention our short
shrunken frames, > When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break, > When the eyes grow dim,*

Then I remember the great life I've had, > And then I don't feel so bad.*

(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd> that lasted over
four minutes and repeated encores.)

=

I had my sister in law channel her inner Julie Andrews and do a dramatic reading or this. It went over pretty well but she would not give the print-out back. She has two sisters that she wants to give it to.

 

[Smart Red]

Warning: Teacher and school story.

*Subject:*JG- Lipstick in School

*Lipstick in School *

*According to a news report, a certain private school in Brisbane was
recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were
beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was
fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips
to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the
girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called
all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance
man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major
problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you
can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate
how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the
maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and
cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on
the mirror.

There are teachers.... and then there are educators**.*

Stolen from "Self_sufficient_Farmers" (a Yahoo group)

 

[so lucky]

Has anyone here ever gotten "Discovery" magazine? We subscribed for years, and really found it to be an amazing publication, before the era of Google and Wikipedia. Some of the articles in there were a little over my head, but most of them I, along with my family, pretty much devoured.
One year, they had an article about a worm in the arctic that actually created heat with a gland in its head and could bore through ice and go about its business in the coldest temps. This whole concept was pretty amazing and I remember marveling about it with my spouse and with my parents. Scientist called it the "hot-headed ice borer."
It wasn't till the next month's issue (May) that Discover editors announced that "Haha, the joke's on you, April Fool!"
You can imagine the cries of moral outrage and "foul!" that came after that from all the disgruntled readers. I guess I was one of them. I trusted that magazine to inform and amaze, not play practical jokes on me. We didn't renew our subscription after that.

 

[Pulsegleaner]

I have vague memories of that

I'm not sure But I think Audubon did something like that as well once. They printed some pages of new "recently spotted" birds. It wasn't until the following moth they informed everyone that the images had been taken from the "gag" book A Field Guide to Little Known and Seldom Seen Birds of North America
http://www.abebooks.com/Field-Guide...n/13291467354/bd?cm_mmc=gmc-_-gmc-_-PLA-_-v01
The sequel (there's actually a third volume called Beyond Birdwatching but I can't find a picture)
http://www.walmart.com/ip/1051040?w...20405168&wl4=&wl5=pla&wl6=54829109813&veh=sem

Plus a few years ago I think Cat Fancy did one where they covered a new breeding line of green furred cats descended from Miss Greeny (Miss Greeny is a REAL green furred cat, but she was the only one and it turned out she had just gotten copper poisoning during her life as a stray; she ungreened after she was adopted and treated)

Oh and I knew someone who sent this to a friend of mine claiming it was a REAL pilot episode of Antiques Roadshow

 

[so lucky]

Ummm. I'm pretty sure it wasn't.