Smart Red
Garden Master
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2012
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- 11,303
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- Location
- South-est, central-est Wisconsin
I can't eat. I can't sleep. I just feel sick from my heart to my stomach and back. My mind keeps turning this problem over and over minute after minute, hour after hour for two days now.
My eleven year old granddaughter was taken out of class, searched, and questioned -- accused of using drugs and bringing drugs to school. It seems that someone had been spreading rumors about her being on drugs. Told his parents who brought a delegation to school and demanded the principal do something. Told all the other students in his grade -- not class -- that she was on drugs. Instead of him getting into trouble for an obvious lie, she was taken to the principal's office without being told why and told to turn out her pockets, take off her shoes, and empty her book bag. Of course, nothing was found. The principal, with preconceived ideas of guilt because of the parents' visit, asked her vague questions and then railed at her for 'not being forthcoming'. What IS the right answer to, "Have you been showing something around school?" when no one mentioned they were looking for drugs?
I feel it was a rumor-fed witch hunt and you always pick the person who is different when hunting. And she is different. Those who know and love her accept and treasure her different-ness. She was born contrary. As a toddler, mom and dad used to tell her NOT to eat her supper at meal time and NOT to go to bed at night because it was the fastest way to get compliance. Knowing that would be impossible at school age, we all worked hard to keep our directions positive.
Now in fifth grade, she is a bright girl who is at the top of her class. She will never fit anyone's idea of typical although she is polite and respectful. She behaves and sees the world differently from others her age. Still tending to be contrary, she will say the opposite thinking it a great joke. Her teacher knows and appreciates her 'querkiness'. We have discussed the need to watch for those marching to the beat of a different drummer* -- a quote I kept in my top desk drawer as a teacher.
She is the kind of child who will disprove an accepted theory or find a cure for disease simply because everyone says is impossible to do. She was my wish, granted on a shooting star and special before she was even conceived. I hurt so deeply for her.
As it happened, the principal had her sit in another room while she "investigated the facts" by questioning other students. When her father asked what infraction of school policy she was guilty of, the principal didn't know yet. When he asked what her 'punishment' might be he was told it might be anything from an in-school suspension to expulsion she couldn't say yet. Her father asked that he be called and given that information after it was decided and the principal agreed.
It seems that when being teased (bullied) repeatedly for being silly(?) weird(?) the boy suggested she had to be on drugs to act like that. We teach our children not to tattle. We teach them to joke when teased because THEY will stop teasing when they see it doesn't bother you. That's what she did.
She said, "Yes", as contrary as ever.
As far as we know, there were no drugs found. No one had seen her with drugs. No one had seen her take drugs. No one had been given or offered drugs from her. Yet everyone questioned KNEW she used them. They had all been told she did by the same person, the bully.
It must have taken the principal the whole day to "collect" her facts, because as far as Gypsy knew she sat the whole day waiting to answer possible new questions. She was not told this was her in-school suspension. Her father was not called regarding the infraction or reprimand. Nevertheless, at day's end, the principal announced that this day spent in the waiting room would be her punishment -- in other words -- time served.
What did Gypsy learn from this other than that lies spread get one child praise and another humiliated, yelled at, and punished(?) without ever being told what school rule they violated. I guess the official decision was "Interfering with the learning of others." for lack of something better.
As an aside, there is nothing in the student handbook that outlaws what students talk about while outside waiting for the bus where this supposedly happened (and not a lot of learning going on either), while there is something about bulling and spreading rumors.
If the principal had taken the time to speak to Gypsy's teacher this all could have been avoided. If she hadn't been approached by angry parents weeks earlier, she wouldn't have reacted in this way. If she had known Gypsy at all this would never have come up. Yes, I am biased, but the whole situation was not handled well.
I don't want Gypsy to change. I don't want her to fit into someone else's square or circle. I want her to be happy being herself and right now she enjoys that she is an original and we who care are all okay with that.
Sniff, sniff.
----
*"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau
My eleven year old granddaughter was taken out of class, searched, and questioned -- accused of using drugs and bringing drugs to school. It seems that someone had been spreading rumors about her being on drugs. Told his parents who brought a delegation to school and demanded the principal do something. Told all the other students in his grade -- not class -- that she was on drugs. Instead of him getting into trouble for an obvious lie, she was taken to the principal's office without being told why and told to turn out her pockets, take off her shoes, and empty her book bag. Of course, nothing was found. The principal, with preconceived ideas of guilt because of the parents' visit, asked her vague questions and then railed at her for 'not being forthcoming'. What IS the right answer to, "Have you been showing something around school?" when no one mentioned they were looking for drugs?
I feel it was a rumor-fed witch hunt and you always pick the person who is different when hunting. And she is different. Those who know and love her accept and treasure her different-ness. She was born contrary. As a toddler, mom and dad used to tell her NOT to eat her supper at meal time and NOT to go to bed at night because it was the fastest way to get compliance. Knowing that would be impossible at school age, we all worked hard to keep our directions positive.
Now in fifth grade, she is a bright girl who is at the top of her class. She will never fit anyone's idea of typical although she is polite and respectful. She behaves and sees the world differently from others her age. Still tending to be contrary, she will say the opposite thinking it a great joke. Her teacher knows and appreciates her 'querkiness'. We have discussed the need to watch for those marching to the beat of a different drummer* -- a quote I kept in my top desk drawer as a teacher.
She is the kind of child who will disprove an accepted theory or find a cure for disease simply because everyone says is impossible to do. She was my wish, granted on a shooting star and special before she was even conceived. I hurt so deeply for her.
As it happened, the principal had her sit in another room while she "investigated the facts" by questioning other students. When her father asked what infraction of school policy she was guilty of, the principal didn't know yet. When he asked what her 'punishment' might be he was told it might be anything from an in-school suspension to expulsion she couldn't say yet. Her father asked that he be called and given that information after it was decided and the principal agreed.
It seems that when being teased (bullied) repeatedly for being silly(?) weird(?) the boy suggested she had to be on drugs to act like that. We teach our children not to tattle. We teach them to joke when teased because THEY will stop teasing when they see it doesn't bother you. That's what she did.
She said, "Yes", as contrary as ever.
As far as we know, there were no drugs found. No one had seen her with drugs. No one had seen her take drugs. No one had been given or offered drugs from her. Yet everyone questioned KNEW she used them. They had all been told she did by the same person, the bully.
It must have taken the principal the whole day to "collect" her facts, because as far as Gypsy knew she sat the whole day waiting to answer possible new questions. She was not told this was her in-school suspension. Her father was not called regarding the infraction or reprimand. Nevertheless, at day's end, the principal announced that this day spent in the waiting room would be her punishment -- in other words -- time served.
What did Gypsy learn from this other than that lies spread get one child praise and another humiliated, yelled at, and punished(?) without ever being told what school rule they violated. I guess the official decision was "Interfering with the learning of others." for lack of something better.
As an aside, there is nothing in the student handbook that outlaws what students talk about while outside waiting for the bus where this supposedly happened (and not a lot of learning going on either), while there is something about bulling and spreading rumors.
If the principal had taken the time to speak to Gypsy's teacher this all could have been avoided. If she hadn't been approached by angry parents weeks earlier, she wouldn't have reacted in this way. If she had known Gypsy at all this would never have come up. Yes, I am biased, but the whole situation was not handled well.
I don't want Gypsy to change. I don't want her to fit into someone else's square or circle. I want her to be happy being herself and right now she enjoys that she is an original and we who care are all okay with that.
Sniff, sniff.
----
*"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau
It sounds to me that the school admin. has not handled this properly at all. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?? I would think another student's word against hers should not hold so much water. It would be different to call her in if a teacher was the one voicing suspicion (i.e. having smelled smoke on her or seeing glazed, red eyes.) The principal totally overreacted IMO and it sounds like Gypsy's rights have been violated. Her parents should have been contacted first thing. If the principal was doing this out of caring for her well-being, I think it would have been done differently. It sounds to me that he/she is a bigger bully than the kid at the bus stop. I hope she will not take this to heart and will stay strong and true to herself. It sounds like you and her parents will be able to give her good support and help her through it.
