Murphy's Law Strikes Again

[so lucky]

You remember me saying a while back that I have a strong Murphy's Law mojo going on--that I can just mention something improbable and it will happen.....like.....gee, I haven't had a flat tire in years.....and ZAP! I'll get one in the next few days.
Well, a few weeks ago after seeing a particularly cute baby on TV, I said to my DH wistfully, "It will be a long time before we have any more babies in our family." Well, you guessed it! Last night my son called to tell me that he and his live-in girlfriend just confirmed that she is pregnant.
I'm trying to take this in stride, but gee whiz, they need a new baby like a hole in the head. His job is sporatic, he is a depressed alcoholic who doesn't handle stress very well, and she has made some bad choices in her life, as well.
Right now, he is saying "all things happen for a reason" and I know that is true. But it has occurred to me what a mixed up world this has become; I am not sure bringing a new life into the world is a good idea right now. Not that they would consider "getting rid of it" but this will possibly set them back so far financially that he will not be able to dig his way out ever.
This is the son who dropped out of high school at 16, then went on to win a full college scholarship due to extremely high GED scores. Then he blew it all by dropping out of college 6 weeks into the semester. He sabotages every opportunity he gets.
I'm having a hard time seeing things in a positive light right now. Just trying to do the Taoist thing and say "All is as it should be."

 

[Nyboy]

Wish i could give you a hug.

 

[thistlebloom]

It's hard being a parent isn't it? Even when our kids get out on their own and make their own way, we are so affected by their choices.

My own take on "things happen for a reason" is that sure, things do happen for a reason, because every choice we make has consequences. We are responsible for our choices, the good ones and the not so good.

I know you are a supportive mother and grandmother... and I hope for the best for you, this new child and your son.

 

[ninnymary]

so lucky, I really don't know what to say about your son. All I can say is that you will LOVE that baby so much and will have many blessings because of he/she.

Mary

 

[Ridgerunner]

Not anything to add to what the others said. Sometimes it is hard to take a philosophical approach because it does affect us and others. Saying you can only control what you control doesn't help a lot. I'm sure you'll do the best you can as a grandmother for that baby.

 

[baymule]

I can understand what you are saying. The parents don't have the best of control over their own lives and here comes a brand new life for them to mess up. But look around at all the outstanding people who came from parents that were abusive, neglectful and just plain horrible. Your son and his girlfriend don't sound all that bad. This child will have you and your husband to be the anchor in his/her life, this child will have all the love the two of you can give. Plus who's to say that screwy as the parents are, that they won't muddle through it somehow and turn out to be decent parents.

 

[so lucky]

Thanks, guys, for all the hugs. Yes, my son is a good parent; he's just not a good life manager. But this gal does seem to have more on the ball than the mother of his other children, so maybe it will be a good thing.
I just wish people could keep their pants on.

 

[catjac1975]

In the town where I taught there was a big drug and alcohol problem. SO many of the grandparents ended up raising the children. Your love for that new baby will give all of them a leg up. It is sad to see the whole picture but, concentrate on the joyous part.

 

[hosspak]

You remember me saying a while back that I have a strong Murphy's Law mojo going on--that I can just mention something improbable and it will happen.....like.....gee, I haven't had a flat tire in years.....and ZAP! I'll get one in the next few days.
Well, a few weeks ago after seeing a particularly cute baby on TV, I said to my DH wistfully, "It will be a long time before we have any more babies in our family." Well, you guessed it! Last night my son called to tell me that he and his live-in girlfriend just confirmed that she is pregnant.
I'm trying to take this in stride, but gee whiz, they need a new baby like a hole in the head. His job is sporatic, he is a depressed alcoholic who doesn't handle stress very well, and she has made some bad choices in her life, as well.
Right now, he is saying "all things happen for a reason" and I know that is true. But it has occurred to me what a mixed up world this has become; I am not sure bringing a new life into the world is a good idea right now. Not that they would consider "getting rid of it" but this will possibly set them back so far financially that he will not be able to dig his way out ever.
This is the son who dropped out of high school at 16, then went on to win a full college scholarship due to extremely high GED scores. Then he blew it all by dropping out of college 6 weeks into the semester. He sabotages every opportunity he gets.
I'm having a hard time seeing things in a positive light right now. Just trying to do the Taoist thing and say "All is as it should be."

Hello Ms. So Un-Lucky, This might sound harsh but don't take it in a negative way. I say this only from experience. Firstly, the Taoist thing, If all is what it should be, your son would be well into his college years building a solid future. But his choices have consequences as others have stated. If kids can't keep their clothes on.... results in a baby. I have 4 adult kids and 4 out of 4 have had pregnancy scares before they were ready or married (even with religious upbringing) Like someone posted, "Their choices affect us", yes they do! We now have 12 grandchildren from only 2 of our kids and our daughter is thinking of adding a step granddaughter. Yes, it really does suck to sit and dwell on the negative (I have done this for years) but, EVERYTIME you hold one of the grandbabies, your heart will melt a little each time. Tao never considered that humans can pick their friends but children can't pick their parents. It's not the babies fault their parents are knuckleheads, but it is your choice if you want to be a "good" grandparent. Good Luck, and God Bless!

 

[Carol Dee]

@so lucky I know some of your angst. This Grandchild is not falling into the PERFECT time or place. But he/she will have YOU. You will love this child with all your soul. And that will be enough.