Training cats to speak in English

[897tgigvib]

Everyone with any experience in the world at all knows that Cats are filled with more soul and spirit than humans. We don't have cats, cats have us. They are definitely smarter than humans.

There is a communication gap between humans and cats! See, since cats are so much smarter, they expect us to learn their language.

Problem with that is, cat language is HIGHLY COMPLEX! See, each cat has his or her own dialect of CATINESE. Add to that, Catinese is, similar to humans, divided into linguistic families. For instance, the Maine Coon language is similar to the British Shorthair language. Those two are dialects of the same language, but with large differences here and there. Abyssinian cats speak a language that is very pure, however, American Shorthair language is highly influenced by it. And Siamese! Siamese language is perhaps the most involved and convoluted of all. It is perhaps the most pure cat language. A Siamese mother cat who has kittens with a father who is not pure Siamese will not teach her native language to her children. Instead, they will do as many not purebred, mongrel, or feral, or otherwise typical randomly birthed kittens do: They will devise their own language. If the littermates are together for some length of time, they will develop a litter language of their own...similar to how occasionally high school human girls are known to do. (In my high school, way back during the upper paleolithic, there was a group of girls, one of the super popular cliques, who developed and spoke a "vithaganvithigee" language.) However, languages such as these are usually very ephemeral, going extinct in a matter of months, 3 years at most. Boontling is a most rare exception.

The rareness of humans developing their own language is a sign of how weak our human minds are. BABY KITTENS DO IT WITH EASE AND FELICITY!

Cats expect us to learn their language. No amount of reward or punishment can convince them otherwise!

 

[897tgigvib]

What is it that is so difficult about catinese for humans?

Pronunciation is most assuredly one thing. This keyboard does not even have ANY COMBINATION of letters to say the simple sound Clev just said to me: mouhwwwwwwwwwwwwwvvvvvvvrvrvrvvvrrr

those letters don't do justice. No. Not at all! Ot howbout that little lip smack gulp sound he just made? See, that was part of what he was telling me!

CAT GRAMMAR! Now this is the key. Sure, we humans can sit and analyze the vocalizations cats make, we can even do what CHIEF SEQUOIAH did, and invent a translatable alphabet. But the very GRAMMAR AND SYNTAX of catinese is so much different than ours, humans do not get it at all!

 

[897tgigvib]

CATINESE GRAMMAR AND SYNTAX are based on an almost entirely different concept than any human language. They are based on a complex of EMOTIONS.

cAT EMOTIONS ARE vastly MORE COMPLEX THAN HUMAN EMOTIONS. poor humans! Humans have a totally blind spot to the emotions involved in the simple things such as a shoestring!

A noun to a human is a highly complex set of stratified emotions to a cat. There are layers and gradations of emotions to a simple thing such as a shoestring that humans simply don't "get".

Another thing is the relationship between SUBJECT and OBJECT. The human Vietnamese language, among more major human languages, comes almost close in this aspect, but even it misses the point. (Vietnamese uses a form of presumed object while most human languages use direct object.)

With Catinese, there may often be no object that is discernable, or no subject that is discernable...to humans that is. On the finest attempts to comprehend though, a human may begin to ALMOST SEE that there are subjects and objects in what cats say.

An analogy could be this: Can humans see radio waves traveling in the air? No, we can't. Our senses are not evolved for that. We need devices to translate them. Try as we might, we simply can not see a radio wave. Just beyond our ability.

Same is true of the emotions of cats. You see yet? CATS HAVE A SUPERIOR SOUL!

The most feral, dirty, poor, tattered sorry cat that ever lived; Its soul is superior to the finest human soul, and I am sure my friend who lived 2,000 years ago would agree with that assesment.

Cats have a much finer sense of feeling than humans. They are evolved for it. Humans are evolved for other things, things that cats are not evolved for. We depend on LAYERS OF KNOWLEDGE. For instance, can anyone here be dropped naked in the wilderness and make a car? Can anyone here even make a car on their own using everything at your disposal? Can you make a phone? Howbout even a transistor?

Cats don't do that. Instead, cats have layers of soul. Spirit. Emotion. Buddha perhaps touched on...ooooooooo...maybe slightly grasped the roughest edge of it. Maybe I do too.

Can't quite see microwaves. Look as I may, just can't quite see with them. I can make out hot if it is hot enough, but I'm almost blind to infrared.

My toe touches my desk. Those are human words. To a cat it's:

Heeheha zzz. prrrslurp.

But. The cat said nothing. See? The whole thing was presumed, not just the subject or object.

This is why after 10,000 years of human cat relations there is still no translation of our languages. It's too complex for the poor human brain.

 

[canesisters]

And you haven't even begun to examine the body language subtext...
If a held cat growls but is relaxed - it is humoring it's human?? Or is it trying to preserve some since of feline dignity while being cuddled like a baby?? Or maybe it's back fur is just ruffled uncomfortably??

 

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

seems to me that calico cats are the hardest to understand. they have such mixed heritage that they just don't understand what i'm saying and run away or give me lots of 'tude. everyone else seems to come to me with their stories or for some rubbing! i have always been an attractant to cats.

my little girl Boudica has me wrapped around her tail when she comes running up to me with those wide dark gold eyes asking for food or affection. seems she's learned to manipulate the dog into getting in trouble for her. Bou is the talker in the house, a buff colored short hair but i think she may have some Siamese since one of her siblings looked like that color pattern when i first went to pick her up. she follows me around the house a lot giving me this cooing brrrreow. will try to get up high enough to get a place on my shoulder or in my arms and i always wake up with her sleeping on top of me in the mornings.

Edison, aka Eddie, is my boy. black and white and sort of aloof unless it is near feeding time or he wants his time for attention met. he has this time in the evening where he gets a lot of energy and just talks and struts around the house trying to get Bou to play with him. speaking of that, i think it's about that time of night.

 

[OldGuy43]

My cat has just given up on trying to teach us to speak. She just points and complains;

"Meooow! Hey! Look! My food bowl is almost empty!"

"Meoow! See here? I'm almost out of water."

"Of course I did that on the floor. My litter box needs changing.

 

[bobm]

TRAIN a cat to speak English ... surely you jest !