My Dad

[Nyboy]

My father was a child durning the depression. It left him with a refusal to pay money for some things. He will not pay for parking, lawn cutting or snow shoveling nor will he lets us kids pay for him. The woman cross the street just called me, my fathers been out all day shoveling snow. I told her there was nothing I could do, senior services frowns on locking up old people, something about a fire hazard. last year my sister stole his snow shovel, he drove on icy roads to buy a new one.

 

[catjac1975]

When my Dad was near the end his mind was still sharp but his body was getting very weak and my Mom had early stages of Alzheimer's. I begged him to come home and live with us and almost had him convinced. She did not need any help of course. I finally convinced him not to drive any more, just after he told me ,"If you just help me get to the car I can still drive." My Dad had macular degeneration but still seemed to see OK except for reading. Of course that was another reason to not drive. My MIL had the same and did not stop until she had a pretty bad accident. She recovered but she had hit a car with a Grandma and granddaughter in it. Fortunately they were not injured. They are still 25 on the inside and do not want any help. We just have to hope they don't hurt anyone else.

 

[Smart Red]

Nothing I can say to help you here, @Nyboy. My DH is out shoveling our long driveway by hand every time it snows -- sometimes several times during a longer, heavier snowfall -- at seventy-eight. I keep close watch and let him enjoy himself.

His mother used to sweep the sidewalk during a snowfall when she was well into her 80s and 90s. Without an obvious health problem, I figure they were old enough to know what they were doing even though I tried to get MIL's walk shoveled before she came out with her broom. She did the same with raking leaves in the fall. Really bothered me since she didn't have any trees -- they all blew in from non-raking neighbors' yards.

Which was worse? Dad shoveling or Dad driving in bad weather to get a new shovel? If you can't pay someone in the neighborhood to "volunteer" to clear Dad's snow, then I guess it's up to Dad what he does.

I remember being almost late for school and parking a block away -- right in front of an elderly lady shoveling with her walker for support. Of course, I had to stop and finish her shoveling for her. She offered to pay me. Nope! She offered me hot chocolate. Nope! I told her the thought of being able to help her was going to keep me warm the rest of the day as I hurried off to class. Some people just keep doing what needs doing as long as they can.

 

[thistlebloom]

I'll tell you what, when I get old and feeble I hope I can stay in my own home, and when it's my time to go I hope it's with a shovel or a trowel in my hand.

 

[Nyboy]

All his life he has said" I was born in this house and will die in this house". My grandmom had 13 children all born at home.

 

[so lucky]

I think men are a little worse about giving up driving than women are. My Alzheimer's stricken dad valued driving around in the country as one of life's greatest pleasures. When I finally had to take his car away, after multiple wrecks and getting lost for a whole day, he called me a thief and a liar and threatened to have me arrested. Seeing him fade away was one of the most painful things I've been through.
Nyboy, you will be lucky if your dad leaves this world while happily shoveling snow.

 

[thistlebloom]

My dad had macular degeneration and continued to drive for a few years. He had always been an amazingly good driver, and even with his poor vision I felt very comfortable riding with him. If I hadn't known for a fact that his vision was failing I wouldn't have been able to tell by the way he drove.
Not so my mom, who always made me nervous, even when she was much younger. If I had a choice I always rode with dad. He gave up his keys voluntarily and sold his car, and let mom ferry him around, which I took for certain blindness, because he couldn't see the near misses, or a death wish.

 

[journey11]

I suppose they pay us back for all the worrying we made them do years ago...

My dad has young-onset Parkinson's, diagnosed at age 45 (now 59.) He has always been an I'll-do-it-myself kinda person and that's not something I'd want to try to take away from him. He'd be doing anything he wanted to right now if he could. His tractor has become a source of freedom for him and an extension of himself. He worries me sometimes working out on the farm by himself or late, but what can you do? Gotta keep on keepin' on...it's just the nature of the human spirit.

I'm sure your dad probably knows the risks of falling or heart attack. Maybe just remind him gently to take it easy and take breaks as needed.

 

[NwMtGardener]

I totally agree - I would much rather get taken out by a heart attack shoveling snow (or doing garden work!) than have to go to "the home." Ah well, we can dream of what would be a fitting end, but how many of us really get to choose!?

 

[seedcorn]

1). There are retirement homes and there are dumps. Up to us as children to make sure, not a dump. I will not fight it.

2) Dad had Alzheimer's, so realize what everyone is going through.

3). We all have to die, best to go with boots on. If we're doing what we want, it's as good as it gets.

4). Tough to pull keys but for safety of innocents, has to be done.