baymule
Garden Master
No, not a contest, but they way men bar-B-que versus the way women bar-B-que. Men like to fire up the pit, drink beer, socialize and make an event of it. The bar-B-que IS the event. Eating the bar-B-qued meat is secondary to the main event. Then there is the long list of "secret" marinades, sauces and what charcoal or kind of wood to use. Soak the wood chips overnight or leave them dry. The selection of the meat is a whole 'nother book with multiple chapters. Pork. Beef. Chicken. Sausage. Hamburger. Wild meat; deer, elk, buffalo, duck, bear, moose and so on. The pit is tantamount to success. There are entire businesses who devote themselves to nothing but building bar-B-que pits for the masters of outdoor cooked meat. There are the gas grills for those who want the experience of outdoor cooking without having to regress to cave man skills and build a fire. Then there are the purists who believe gas grills are for sissies. There is even a pit the is gas on one side and wood on the other for the sissy cave man. 
Each man prides himself on his culinary smokey skills. Most men, not all, make an enormous mess, dirty up every single pan, bowl, platter, plate, tray, and utensil they can lay hands on. And while their buddies are slapping them on the back in culinary congratulations and have another beer, their wife is cleaning up the mess. 
Now enter the woman bar-B-cuer. Fire up the pit. And I mean fire up the pit. This is hot, smokey-my-eyes-burn-my-hair-smells, WORK! While I'm out here, might as well cook up enough to put in the freezer for the next month's worth of meals. Socialize? How 'bout just get out of my way? "Secret" marinade? "Secret" sauce? Don't they sell that stuff at the grocery store? Charcoal or wood chips? I dunno, what's on sale? Dry or soaked over night? Are you kidding? What meat to cook? Hmmmm......chicken leg quarters are on sale, limit 2 packages with $10 purchase. And if you buy a pork shoulder roast, you get a bag of chips free! Gas or wood? Whatever kind of pit we have, then that's what I'll use. Git 'er done! It might be hard to believe, but using every dish, pot, pan and utensil in the entire kitchen is not necessary.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Each man prides himself on his culinary smokey skills. Most men, not all, make an enormous mess, dirty up every single pan, bowl, platter, plate, tray, and utensil they can lay hands on. And while their buddies are slapping them on the back in culinary congratulations and have another beer, their wife is cleaning up the mess. Now enter the woman bar-B-cuer. Fire up the pit. And I mean fire up the pit. This is hot, smokey-my-eyes-burn-my-hair-smells, WORK! While I'm out here, might as well cook up enough to put in the freezer for the next month's worth of meals. Socialize? How 'bout just get out of my way? "Secret" marinade? "Secret" sauce? Don't they sell that stuff at the grocery store? Charcoal or wood chips? I dunno, what's on sale? Dry or soaked over night? Are you kidding? What meat to cook? Hmmmm......chicken leg quarters are on sale, limit 2 packages with $10 purchase. And if you buy a pork shoulder roast, you get a bag of chips free! Gas or wood? Whatever kind of pit we have, then that's what I'll use. Git 'er done! It might be hard to believe, but using every dish, pot, pan and utensil in the entire kitchen is not necessary.
Does any of this sound familiar?
I know better.
He hovers over the pit sweating profusely, swatting %&$^$#% flies, and tenderly nursing "the best steaks you ever ate" that taste just like any restaurant steaks you care to choose. The rumor is.........it is legal in Texas to kill your husband.......but you gotta bury him real deep and not tell nobody. 
