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Garden humor thread..

Discussion in 'Everything Else Garden' started by desertlady, Jul 7, 2013.

  1. Jan 27, 2016
    Carol Dee

    Carol Dee Garden Master

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    ducks4you likes this.
  2. Jan 27, 2016
    Carol Dee

    Carol Dee Garden Master

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  3. Jan 31, 2016
    Ridgerunner

    Ridgerunner Garden Master

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    I try to not be superstitious. I hear it's bad luck.
     
    digitS', Larisa and Chickie'sMomaInNH like this.
  4. Jan 31, 2016
    Pulsegleaner

    Pulsegleaner Garden Addicted

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    Yeah and I'd give my right arm to be ambidexterous.

    Another Food hall tale, I actually sang out the opening line of this after an accident on barbecue night

    The mayonnaise rots in the hot sun,
    I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

    My trouser's spatterd with a white scum
    I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

    a mound of salad knocked off my plate
    by my hamburger bun
    am I under a curse of is this just fate?
    I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

    Through the fabric the cabbage juice has run
    I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

    No my pants are ruined and it's no fun
    I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

    My friends are pointing and laughing at me
    as if its one big pun
    humiliation's such misery
    I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won (repeat til end of song)

    (To the tune of "I Fought the Law" (preferably the original version by the crickets)

    If you like this one I have a few other food songs I can post.
     
  5. Jan 31, 2016
    baymule

    baymule Garden Master

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  6. Jan 31, 2016
    Pulsegleaner

    Pulsegleaner Garden Addicted

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    To the tune of "In The Navy" by the Village People

    When you find you roast beef
    dried out beyond belief
    dehydrated; just not moist.
    When you find your turkey
    is as hard a jerkey
    and looks like a roofing joist.
    When you country breakfast
    has become a wreck-fest
    tough as over-boiled goat.
    Learn you this discovery
    you will find recovery
    in a pointed silver boat

    USE THE GRAVY!
    Utilize tha sauce so brown
    USE THE GRAVY!
    pour it on and chow on down
    USE THE GRAVY!
    makes even failed food get renown
    USE THE GRAVY! USE THE GRAVY!

    I WANT YOU! I WANT YOU!, I WANT YOU!
    TO USE SAUCE AU JUS!

    At one time this was how I actually felt on the matter. Tune is "Coal Tatoo" by Billy ed Wheeler (link, since fewer people will know this one ).

    Travelin' down that fast food strip
    Listen to my rubber tires sqeal
    goodby to Wendy's and Jack in the Box
    I need a greasier meal

    I been a junk eater all of my life,
    nuthin' will make me cease
    got a gut like a balloon ready bout to burst
    sweat as slick as the grease

    Somebody said "That's a lot of red marks,
    You got on your gut, thighs and chops."
    I said "That the markin's left by the fat"
    "A little more and my heart stops
    But I love the texture,
    and I love the taste
    I love the feel in mah mouth
    And I cant stop this need on the base of my health
    no matter how far it goes south."

    I stood for the transfats and walked in the line
    and fought 'gainst the heath board,NYC
    I stood for the right for all food to taste good
    now who's gonna stand for me?
    I lost my shape
    an' I lost my tone
    just got a big spare wheels
    and a dickey heart that about to fall apart
    left by the number five meal.

    Someday when I'm dead and gone
    an sent to my eternal rest
    I won't have to worry 'bout chest pains or stokes
    or what's on my blood sugar test
    IU ain't gonna pay my money away
    for sprouts,tofu, or brewers yeast
    I'm gonna chow down while my soul still around
    then go to that Heavenly feast.
     
    ducks4you and baymule like this.
  7. Feb 4, 2016
    journey11

    journey11 Garden Master

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    This is stupid funny... Love it! LMBO It made my day anyway. Sometimes you just need the comic relief. They had a few others on YouTube, but I haven't watched them yet. The kids made me play this one over and over.

     
  8. Feb 4, 2016
    so lucky

    so lucky Garden Master

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    Arg! It wouldn't play for me!
     
  9. Feb 4, 2016
    ducks4you

    ducks4you Garden Master

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    That's how my youngest DD found her couch! She contacted an old HS friend, undergraduate, about moving in together off campus for DD's first year Law School (3 hours from home). Her friend found the couch next to the dumpster at the trailer park.
    DD ended up minus a roommate (graduated), 2nd semester, but she paid $300/month for a 2 bedroom trailer with, really a lot of room. She spent the 2nd year alone, and then her full time jobless sister(who got a part time retail job), moved in with her year three.
    They kept the couch the whole 3 years and put it back by the dumpster when they were packing to leave.
    I wouldn't be surprised if somebody else took it in!
    After an initial thorough cleaning, it wasn't a bad couch, and was even a good bed for visitors.
     
    Beekissed likes this.
  10. Feb 4, 2016
    canesisters

    canesisters Garden Master

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