Garden humor thread..

[Ridgerunner]

Father and young daughter working on a woodworking project.
Daughter: Dad are going to retire someday?
Father: I hope do.
Daughter: Then how will you pay for all my stuff?
Father: By then, you will be paying for all your stuff.
Daughter: Wow! That means my allowance will be huge!
Father: Put down the drill while I tell you the next part.

From a Dilbert comic
Dilbert: All our options lead to doom. The only thing we can control is who we blame.
Boss: That sounds about right, except for the "we" part.

Grandfather talking to adult daughter
Grandfather: When your mother and I were newly weds, she used to always ask me what I was thinking. Sometimes she'd even wake me in the middle of the night to ask me what I was thinking.
Daughter: She doesn't do that anymore?
Grandfather: Nope. She finally realized that generally speaking I'm not thinking anything.

I do enjoy the comics page.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I'm lost. I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.

 

[baymule]

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a; high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:


* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will ;go to China or Sri Lanka .


* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or ;China ...


* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ...

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go ; to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard ;sale and drink beer all day !


No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

 

[Smart Red]

Food for thought.

 

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

the check i get would go towards property taxes i get in June/July. so we know that goes to line a local politician or public employee's pocket & then goes to some offshore account.

 

[Carol Dee]

 

[baymule]

Haha that's a good one Carol!!

 

[Ridgerunner]

Not everyone has to like me. Nor everyone has good taste.

 

[Smart Red]

So why did you put that post in the Garden Humor Thread, Carol Dee? There must be a better place for it -- perhaps under the Facts of Life -- or somesuch.

 

[Carol Dee]

So why did you put that post in the Garden Humor Thread, Carol Dee? There must be a better place for it -- perhaps under the Facts of Life -- or somesuch.

Well.... it is funny even if TRUE!