Garden humor thread..

[Ridgerunner]

Wife - My husband gave me a toaster for our anniversary.

Friend - What did you get him?

Wife - A $1000 sports coat but I returned it and gave him a loaf of bread.

 

[Ridgerunner]

Diner - Waiter, what's with this straw? it's all mushy.

Waiter - It's paper. We banned plastic straws because they are harmful to turtles.

Diner Oh.

Waiter - So are you going to be eating tonight?

Diner - Sure. How's the turtle soup?

Waiter - Exquisite!

Diner (to dining companion) - The world is a confusing place.

 

[flowerbug]

i've never used a straw to drink out of a bottle...

 

[Ridgerunner]

If a politician says something in the forest and there is no one there to hear it, is it still a lie?

 

[Ridgerunner]

Measure twice, cut once, say crap three times, and go to the hardware store.

 

[seedcorn]

Measure twice, cut once, say crap three times, and go to the hardware store.

That is exactly my style of work.......

 

[flowerbug]

Measure twice, cut once, say crap three times, and go to the hardware store.

they should sell band aids there...

 

[Zeedman]

they should sell band aids there...

C'mon, we're talking a hardware store... think tourniquets.

 

[flowerbug]

C'mon, we're talking a hardware store... think tourniquets.

i got that covered already with the strap wrench...

 

[Carol Dee]