Garden humor thread..

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

at least when women garden we wash off before we come in the house. most guys will just stomp right in, track the mud through the house to get to the bath room & leave the mess for someone else to clean up! some architects must have listened to a woman when they designed houses with 'mud' rooms & a bath room right beside them!

 

[Carol Dee]

So .... all you southerners, did they get this right?

A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the ...road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow, eat and like okra.
Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss(first name) or Mr.(first name)
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissy fit is..
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
You understand these jokes and share them with your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.

 

[Pulsegleaner]

Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.

This has always been a bit of a sticking point with me. I mean, grammatically, I think "y'all" should be plural, since it sounds like it is short for "all of you" (I know a few grammarians who think it is sort of the modern version of the second person informal plural [analogous to the Spanish vosotros tense] with the closest Northern equivalent being the gangster-ish "you'se".)

 

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

our is more yawl.

 

[seedcorn]

@Carol Dee People do actually, grow, eat and LOVE okra. It's an African thing-not sure if Northern or southern Africa.....

 

[Pulsegleaner]

our is more yawl.

Isn't that a kind of sailboat?

@Carol Dee People do actually, grow, eat and LOVE okra. It's an African thing-not sure if Northern or southern Africa.....

And awful lot of the traditionally "southern" crops are. cow peas (sorry, just "peas" if you are southern, since the English/European pea doesn't grow well there), sorghum (i'm not sure how much grain sorghum is consumed, but if sorghum had never been introduced southern baking would have changed with the nonexistence of Karo syrup.)
Actually I heard the slaves brought okra by hiding the seeds in their hair (that slime gets sticky when it dries so sticking them to something is pretty easy.)

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

And if you are a real died in the wood localist, you can even get all the ingredients locally, tea from the Charleston tea plantation, sugar from the Lousiana cane fields and water from wherever you are (if your water is good) or that limestone water from Kentucky everyone talks about (if it isn't)*

Speaking of water, there is a pair of questions I've always wanted to ask of a southerner.

1. What the heck is branch water?

2. If it is what I think it is (water from the same source as the water your bourbon got made from) where do you go to get it, the liquor store or the supermarket? (my dad actually asked a coworker who was Kentukian, but as he took (and always had taken) his bourbon neat, he did not know.

*I know that this might actually change the tea, since you would be adding alkaline water to acidic tea (even without lemon, tea is acidic). On the other hand, a lot of sweet tea recipes I have seen call for the addition of some baking soda, so it may be that making the PH more neutral is seen as a good thing for the flavor.

 

[seedcorn]

Branch = stream

 

[thistlebloom]

 

[Pulsegleaner]

Branch = stream

So you're telling me that all those people who drink "bourbon and branch" are paying money just to get water someone fished out of a stream? Well, I suppose it's no odder than buying bottles from a spring or an artesian well (though it would seem to me a stream, being more open to the elements would be dirtier.

 

[canesisters]

To me... (and I might get evicted from Beautiful VA for this) 'Yall' is 'ya' and one other.
I ask my sister, 'How ya been doing?'
If I care what her husband has been up to too, I'd say 'How yall been?"

Branch = spring. I have 2 'branches' marked on the plat of my land. They just 'start' and eventually flow out to form a creek further on down.

My dad was born & raised in southern Alabama. He and all of his family have always drank 'unsweet' tea. I never tasted sweet tea until I was a teen. I had gone to a party at a friend's house and gave into peer pressure ....
To this day, when ever I'm organizing a dinner or BBQ at the house, someone will say "You know Debbie can't make decent tea, who's bringing the tea?"