digitS' said:
Broke Down Ranch really got me thinking about this by talking about her mother collecting rainwater in that rain barrel thread . . . Gardening with the Old Folks.
Some of you know that I have multiple gardens, including one in the backyard of my 91 year old father.
The last year, that became a very difficult arrangement.
I'm not really in the "sandwich generation" anymore - gotta be too old for that. My youngest child will graduate from college in the spring. She has lived off on her own for a few years and she's worked since she was a high school junior. So, my child-rearing responsibilities aren't great. Still, I'm rather exhausted from my relationship with Dad.
I'm wondering whether others would like to say something about changing relationships with the old folks and, sometimes, living arrangements that probably should change but don't. Or, that do change and either work out or don't work out as expected.
Steve
Steve, I have lived on both sides of the fence, My mother used a wheel chair due to rheumatoid arthritis, and my day passed away at age 60 with a heart attack. He knew how bad his heart was, so a couple of years before he died, he sold their home, and bought a trailor which he moved next door to us on a lot he found for sale. He did this so we would not have to drive for an hour to take care of mom because she could not live alone either, and he knew she would not give up her home if he died while they still lived there.
Bless HIm for all that. After he passed away, mom would have panic attacks and call me in the middle of the night, thank goodness, it was next door! I became exausted from the up keep of both places, so we found a house at a great price, that had plenty of room upstairs and a full finished downstairs . Since we had kids at home, it was ideal for the kids to have recreation space downstairs, and privacy when they had company. Even tho it put us in debt, it worked for us until she passed away. She had lived thru the depression, so she had kept every button off every worn out garment, every usable zipper etc. I sure learned about not wasting anything because she remembered how hard it could get. Our children learned compassion, and relate to elderly people with no problem. I guess we were blessed while trying to help her. We also helped my husbands follks out as long as they lived, we were all part of each others life. and I have a lot of peace of mind from working it out that way.
As anyone knows,who read my "short personal page," here or "about me" on ebay(cala3) knows, my husband was hit with Parkinsons disease, and I have fybromyalgia, and deteriorated spine, and we were living on 87 acres , that we could barely keep the yard mowed, and we hired someone to weed eat.. financially that was hard. One day, our daughter called and said she and her husband did not want us way off there by ourselves, and would we consider living in a modular home next door to them...sound familiar?? We found out our son several states away was also wishing they could move us near them, but since they did not have their own land, there was not a practial way to do it. So early this year we moved here. It had been awesome, we are the encouragers, we can at least babysit as needed, and its working out beautifully. It was actually our son in law that first suggested we come here.. so we knew we are wanted.
So I guess what comes around goes around. I know for some people its impossible to take care of, or take in their parents,and there is no condemnation in that, there are some good nursing homes out there, and if you monitor them and visit often, that can be an answer. Dont let pride-his or yours get in the way, do what ever has to be done with a lot of compassion and patience, your dads life will be affected more than yours,believe it or not. Do what ever gives you peace of mind, I know older people dont eat well when they eat alone, falls can happen with no one knowing, I know its hard to know just what to do, but May you have blessing and guidance along the way, At least you care, some people dont.
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- running the sprinklers, mowing his lawn, as well as tending my dahlia garden there. It looks to me that "doesn't want to be a burden" is his only guidance on the issue. He would, probably, have fallen into the same situation that I see his neighbor in.
Steve
We are here for you man! 
