Is chilvalry dead?

[Carol Dee]

I think Chivalry is Dead! I deliver school lunches from the High School kitchen to 2 elementary buildings. There is construction all around Sheppard. Always some truck, equipment or building supplies in the way. Today it was a garden hose stretched across my path to the door. Those packers are heavy and do NOT roll over the hose. Needed to lift and tug. OUCH. I am sore. So this afternoon when I came to get empty packers there was a back hoe and delivery truck in the drive I back into. They decided to move and wait for me to load. That was nice. BUT, they then stood and watch me (an overweight, over heated, limping old lady) struggle to get packers over the hose and into van quickly. Because I was suddenly feeling like I was the one in the way! Jeez. (Did I mention it was near 100 degrees today?)

Well I think I know quite a few of you men here would have helped me out. I just needed to vent!

 

[Smart Red]

Carol Dee, we know how men SHOULD behave but in today's world an offer to help may open them to sexual harassment charges. I suspect many men are more unsure of proper behavior today than ever in the past.

The wonderful men here can answer whether or not the men should have offered assistance.

 

[baymule]

It is sad that a bunch of men would watch you struggle and not offer to help you. It is not so much Chilvary as it is just common decency. Shame on them!

 

[Ridgerunner]

Do you know how many times Ive had a lady let me know in no uncertain terms that she can handle that herself? Actually that doesnt bother me. I figure the polite thing to do is to do what a gentleman should and ignore her bad manners. I think it makes them madder when I still have a pleasant demeanor and wish them a nice day with a smile after they are that rude.

Kinda like Red said, I dont know what circumstances those men were in. Did company policy prevent them from helping? Its not just the threat of sexual harassment, but if they help and something gets damaged, are they or their company liable for the damages? Its a more complicated world than it should be.

When I was a Cub Scout leader we took the boys along with their families to a public park for a family outing. We had some stuff for them to play with. We could not allow other kids in the park to play with that stuff, much as they or we would have liked to. That would have opened the Boy Scouts up to a lawsuit if someone got hurt. We had signed waivers from the scouts families for that particular event. I didnt like that at all and after that we tried to avoid the more public places for scout outings.

Of course a gentleman should help a lady in distress. Nothing wrong with a lady helping a gentleman. And the help should be received gracefully. Would I have helped? I think so if circumstances allowed it and I noticed what was going on. I usually do.

 

[Carol Dee]

See.... I knew there where gentlemen here at TEG, I may have said, It is O.K. I can do this myself. But thanks for the offer. At least they could have offered. YES, Ridgerunner todays society is so SAD. I guess I figured they could have moved the hose. Then I could have asked them to also!

 

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

it's not so much as chivalry as common courtesy to help someone in need when they look like they are struggling, regardless of gender. there is no real need to stand around and just watch someone that looks like they could use a helping hand. i could understand if they had to watch the area around their construction for safety reasons but i'm sure they could have radio'd to their peers to hold their business for you to get stuff in. or better yet, rearrange the schedule to accommodate their 'client's' schedule of events and guests. or even better, give you a different route before hand that would be less of an obstacle course.

 

[journey11]

It is not so much Chilvary as it is just common decency. Shame on them!

Agreed. There is no reasonable excuse why they couldn't have asked if you needed help (assuming they did see that you were in need of it.)

 

[thistlebloom]

Aaarrgh! Isn't that discouraging? I do think the feminist movement has done a lot to damage the natural helpfulness many men would offer. Yeah, it's leveled the playing field :/ .

My job involves a lot of hard physical labor, and I'm pretty capable of most things, but certainly welcome a helping hand when needed from anyone willing. A few years ago one of my customers had dug out 3 mature lilacs from his yard and wanted me to plant them at his cabin. I went to his home to collect the lilacs which were at the side of his yard furthest from where I parked. I pushed my wheelbarrow through the yard, past the 4 burly construction guys working on the garage remodel and struggled to get each huge lilac into my wheelbarrow, then back through the yard and into the back of my truck. I made 3 trips past those guys who pulled up seats on buckets and lounged against the door frame to watch me. I was too shy at first to ask for a hand, and then too disgusted after they watched my wheelbarrow tip over when one of the lilacs rolled and unbalanced it. Those puppies had huge rootballs and must have weighed around 100 pounds or more. And they just watched me go through all the heaving and pulling and pushing and sweating without even the remotest offer of help. If it had been any one of them doing all of that I would have pitched in to help.
Well, I got the lilacs in the back of my truck finally and drove away puzzled and demoralized.

But on the flip side, I have had men help me out without having to ask. Like the time I was coming home with some plywood and 2x4s in my pickup and after stopping at a red light and then accelerating at the green the whole shebang slid out of my truck and landed neatly in the middle of the intersection. Awkward! And embarrassing! I pulled over and jumped out to collect it all, hoping I wouldn't get hit, and a couple of young guys stopped their car in the road right behind my building supplies and helped me reload. I was so grateful!

If a man holds a door open for me I always smile and thank him. It's good to encourage common courtesy.

 

[Nyboy]

Carol just last week I asked myself the same thing. I had gone to the mall. I parked my car and went to the doors to mall opening one, on the other side where 2 OLD ladies about to leave though the door I just opened. Without thinking I stepped to the side and held the door for them, one said to me " someone with manners how rare nowadays, I can't remember the last time a door was held for me. I was in shock, this lady must have been in her 80s and claimed no one held doors open for her anymore. When we don't hold open a door for other people I say chilvary is dead.

 

[hoodat]

A lot depends on what part of the country you're in. I can't imagine any man from Oklahoma or Texas not helping without being asked. Actually it's a win/win. The lady gets a hand and the man feels pride in doing it.