Carol Dee, I'm sure you know lot of us have gone through somewhat similar things with our parents, with different outcomes. I'll give you a brief bit of mine but yours could wind up totally different.
Mom was living at home by herself when she fell. We had people from the State coming in daily to help her (a Tennessee state program at no expense to us). When they could not get in they called 911. Mom wound up in a hospital. Afterwards she went to rehab. She stayed there longer than the 20 days. Talk to the people at rehab that handle that, they should know the state and federal rules. Ours were quite helpful. Mom never made it home, she is in an assisted care facility. I live 12 hours away so I'm basically useless. My brother lives 2 hours away and manages her affairs, money and property. A lot of his vacation days are used taking care of Mom. Our niece lives in the town and has been a Godsend. She and her kids visit regularly and take care of a lot of Mom's day-to-day stuff.
While at the rehab, Mom wanted to go home. She simply could not. She'd call my niece and tell her to come get her and take her home. My niece was used to doing what Grandma said, after all Mom and Dad practically raised her. Now she had to be the adult. It wasn't easy. She was sometimes in tears, but not around Mom. When stuff like that happened she's call my brother's wife, who is really good at calming her down. It's a team effort.
The people at rehab really liked her. She did not curse them, throw things at them, yell at them, or hit them, not like many of the other patients. She'd politely and sweetly listen to them then do whatever she wanted to do, with a smile, of course. They were good with that. She did bring one PT to tears, making false accusations about being abandoned on a piece of exercise equipment. I was there for that one, I really felt sorry for that young girl. But other than that episode, she was pretty well behaved.
When she was moved into assisted care, she wanted to go home. She didn't like it at all. But people were firm so she stayed. After a few weeks she was very happy there. She has friends and really loves the bingo. Of course she still talks about home but nobody believes she really wants to go.
Mom often complains that the niece doesn't come to see her. The niece is there a lot of the times with her when I call Mom. One time Mom complained to my sister that she didn't have any shoes. Her feet had swollen and my brother and sister-in-law had been by earlier that day with three pairs of shoes for her to try on. One pair fit and she liked the style. My sister, who is also a lot of hours away used to get upset from some of the things Mom told her on the phone and made some pretty harsh accusations until she finally learned to check things out. Mom is not always truthful with her or anyone else. It can tear a family apart.
Mom is a bit unusual in that she often has two boys playing in her room that disappear into the wall. Most other people at the assisted care see little girls, not boys. She also has a lot of conversations with my brother who died about 20 years ago.
I received a call last week from Mom. They are going to take me away tonight. This is a pretty consistent theme, even from when she was still living at home. People were always going to come take her away, often to a room where they'd put her in a chair and ask questions. I told her that if she behaved they'd treat her nice. The first time or two this happened I'd call my niece, now I don't bother. They are running out of food at assisted living. Mom, if you look in your cabinet you'll see plenty of food for these emergencies. She never touches that food but insists on having it. They are going to make me leave if I don't help more, do my job. Did you make your bed this morning and pick up the trash in your room? Yes. Then you are doing your job. I think she wants to help wash the dishes.
Mom is actually in good physical condition, considering. But no way could she manage on her own. One huge benefit at assisted care is that they administer her drugs. She used to self-administer when she was home alone. My brother would put her pills in one of those two week schedule things and was frightened when he saw what she took and what she didn't. I think that was his biggest worry, her drugs. She's a lot better off if someone gives her the drugs she needs when she needs them. And sees that she takes them.
Talk to the people at Sam's to see what some of your options are. You may not be limited to 20 days if she is showing progress. Also check with the state of Iowa and see what help they might offer when she goes home. Tennessee would send people by twice a day to clean and do other things when Mom was home alone at no cost. They also paid to change her bathroom so she could get in and out of the shower. You never know what help is out there until you ask.
Many years back they transferred ownership of the farm to my brother. He sold it so with her social security and a lot of help from VA (since Dad was a WWII veteran) money is not a huge issue for her. There should be enough to see her through, even when she has to go to extended care instead of assisted living. He still watches every penny.
I sure wish you luck. I hope she can return home and make It on her own. That would be a good thing. But come here and vent all you want, it does help. You'll find a lot of people on here that understand and care about you, whatever decisions you have to make.
Take care of yourself. Try to make the best of it. I have 2 different friends that had to make their homes safe and had to install ramps, rails and all kinds of things before the family member was allowed to come home.
