DH

[so lucky]

Wow. You have been so strong and determined through this long battle. My heart goes out to you and your family. Hugs and love to you.
It occurred to me that you need to be very careful for yourself now. Sometimes once we let our guard down after being so strong for so long, either illness or depression can hit hard. Take care of yourself.

 

[Collector]

My Thoughts and prayers for all of you,I am sorry to hear this sad news. You have already shown yourself to be a strong person so take care of yourself and stay connected here with us.

 

[baymule]

You said it well. I am not sick and terrified like I was at first with the diagnosis. I can eat and I am relaxed. I will be lonely and miss him, but nothing like if this had happened suddenly. The day he was diagnosed and he was admitted to the hospital, my kids and I at home later sat and cried and frightened. Yesterday when he died, we sat all together talking and relaxed and relieved, sad, but relieved and can face this. Thank you so much.

My Daddy had bone cancer. He was bed ridden for a year, wracked with pain, it was horrible. He had the most upbeat attitude. People from church would go to "cheer up JB" but would instead, be cheered up by his happy, amazing attitude. I would go see him, we would laugh and be silly, they I would cry all the way home. He had a stroke 21 days before he died, it caused him to go blind. I was with him when he left this world for a better one with our Lord and Savior. Yes, tears trickled down my face, but they were tears of relief. He was set free.

 

[Gardening with Rabbits]

Baymule, I feel the same about DH being set free. I think I am too. I will miss him, but when I was born both of my parents were blind, so I was a sort of caregiver from a young age. My dad died when I was 30. I did not call an ambulance even though I wanted to, but my mother did not want to because my dad was so upset about not going to the hospital. I think I have had guilt from that and my aunt moved into our house after that. She was about 90 and had a stroke in another state and we moved her to our home. She just slowly stopped eating and then aspirated on food. She had to be in the hospital and I let a Catholic priest make the decision about not putting in a feeding tube. I felt guilt for that too. Then, my mother died in 2004 and she was 89 and a half and I did not know she was only on comfort care. I was made at the hospital, the doctors and myself for the way she died. Now this with DH. I was in shock May 2015 and if he had died then, I would have been sedated and my kids in the hospital. We could not have taken it, but we had time to know this was going to happen and nothing we could do to fix it. Then, this hospital, hospice situation, i mean I yelled, I accused, I was just sure there was something somebody was doing wrong and they said I was in denial, but really I just thought all of them were giving up on DH. When I finally realized nothing could be done, I then just wanted him to go in peace as fast as possible. I prayed he would not suffer and my kids would not suffer watching this. Not only did he open his eyes, he turned his head towards us. Just like he was waking up from a nap when I asked are you awake. I know I could get sick from all this and the past 2 years. I will not be depressed, but I do need to relax and enjoy life. DS and I are the only 2 here now in the house. We went from 4 people to 2 pretty fast since DD just got married in June. We are planning on fixing the house and turning DD's room into a TV room. Our main living area has the woodstove and at night if we watch a movie we end up letting the fire go down too low because we get hot in there close to the stove, so this way we can keep the stove going and not be so hot. DB got DS a lot of tools for his 18th birthday and he has been fixing everything. lol I will be on the garden site and what is going on in the garden and I think I have said all I am going to say about DH here. I look around my house and see how things just stopped. I put a lot of energy and time into cancer research and vitamins and things, not much for our house or myself. I went to church today for the first time in a long time because DH could not go and DS is in the choir and I noticed he looked pale and not that well. He is beyond stressed too and we are going to spend the rest of the warm weather going to the dump and hauling stuff away and getting the garden ready for winter, moving firewood. Thank you for all the prayers and kindness on this thread.

 

[ninnymary]

I actually think doing all the things around the house and such that you haven't been able to will be rewarding. Getting things done gives you such a good feeling.

Mary

 

[Beekissed]

So very sorry you lost your husband and good friend and soul mate Mary.
I'm so very sad for you over this. You've been an amazing example and inspiration to me through all of this.

The Lord bless you and keep you,
the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you,
the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26

I couldn't say it any better than NinnyMary did, so I'm quoting her. I agree with her, that you are an inspiration and a joy to me, the way you have dealt with all of this. Please know I'm sorry you are going through this hard time and are missing your good, good man.

 

[Nyboy]

I might face the same decision with my dad you faced with yours. My father made it very clear he wants to die at home not in a hospital. I hope if the choice comes I am strong enough not to call a ambulance. keep busy time does help.

 

[thistlebloom]

Working hard and cleaning up has it's own therapeutic value. Being physically tired is probably going to be beneficial after the long emotional journey you've been on. And setting things up a little differently will be a refreshment mentally too I would guess.

God bless you Mary.

I know you and your son can handle the labor and probably want to just keep it to the two of you, but I have a truck and trailer and lots of tools, just in case.

 

[Gardening with Rabbits]

Working hard and cleaning up has it's own therapeutic value. Being physically tired is probably going to be beneficial after the long emotional journey you've been on. And setting things up a little differently will be a refreshment mentally too I would guess.

God bless you Mary.

I know you and your son can handle the labor and probably want to just keep it to the two of you, but I have a truck and trailer and lots of tools, just in case.

We have been busy today. He is getting into this and wanting to decorate. We have an old ugly dark picture over the couch I have been wanting to take down since I put it up years ago, but it covers a big area. I was thinking of this family picture we had made. I think DS might be 10, but all 4 of us and it is a big picture. Then, today for some reason DS said you know what picture we need to put up in here and I said what, and he said that family picture. I am cleaning a storage cabinet out in the kitchen and finding a lot have used things and old dates on cans of 2015. Life stopped in 2015. I know you would come with truck, trailer and tools, and better be careful, I just might take you up on it. You are so kind.