majorcatfish
Garden Master
this is what happens when you trust a what a used car salesperson tells you
Garden humor thread..
- Thread starter desertlady
- Start date
Carol Dee
Garden Master
Oh Boy Major you sure grew some INTERESTING carrots this year. 
(You and Monty, too!)
(You and Monty, too!)
hoodat
Garden Addicted
A city boy moved to the country and was asking around about chickens so a neighbor gave him a couple of dozen fertile eggs to get him started. A month or so later the neighbor asked him how the eggs had done. "Not a single one of them came up. I think I planted them too deep".
majorcatfish
Garden Master
the 3 stages of life....
for the ladies
for you gentlemen
for the ladies
for you gentlemen
digitS'
Garden Master
You've found my senior yearbook pictures online, Major'!
That guy with the "candid street photo's" sure got a good one of me when I had a chance to get away from DW#1 for a quick walk to the 7/11!
I hadn't quite figured out which way to turn for the mugshot on the way into debtor's prison for that last one, tho' . . .
Steve :/
That guy with the "candid street photo's" sure got a good one of me when I had a chance to get away from DW#1 for a quick walk to the 7/11!
I hadn't quite figured out which way to turn for the mugshot on the way into debtor's prison for that last one, tho' . . .
Steve :/
so lucky
Garden Master
Haha, that is funny! Thanks, Major!
Carol Dee
Garden Master
Major, that is funny. But hoping it is not too true. Youngest son is just beginning a divorce. With two small boys it just breaks my heart.
baymule
Garden Master
Laws of Nature????
Forget Newton and Galileo. Here are the real laws of nature:
1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
If you dont share this with your friends, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.
Forget Newton and Galileo. Here are the real laws of nature:
1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
If you dont share this with your friends, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.
Carol Dee
Garden Master
Good one Bay, I can especially relate to #3 and #9. 
so lucky
Garden Master
I like #15.
My ex-sister in law is famous for ending spousal arguments with "Don't confuse me with the facts!"
My ex-sister in law is famous for ending spousal arguments with "Don't confuse me with the facts!"
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