Garden humor thread..

[seedcorn]

In camp point, IL, the water is salt water unfit to dink. Seems when they drilled the first town wells, they hit radioactive water. So deep they went. Hit a salt vein. Too many times, I'd wake up for a glass of water only to awake to salt water....

 

[valley ranch]

Water~Oh, Ship~

 

[valley ranch]

Aaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyaas

 

[valley ranch]

That's how to do it~

 

[baymule]

So .... all you southerners, did they get this right?

A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the ...road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow, eat and like okra.
Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss(first name) or Mr.(first name)
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissy fit is..
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
You understand these jokes and share them with your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.

Yes, these are right. I talk like that. Fixinto is one of my favorite words. And hissy fit is prefixed by wall-eyed, as in wall-eyed hissy fit. What else do you name festivals for? Locally I can think of the Tyler Rose Festival, the Feral Hog Festival in Ben Wheeler, Fire Ant Festival in Marshall, Blueberry Festival in Nacogdoches, Tomato Fest in Jacksonville, Hot Pepper Festival in Palestine, East Texas Yamboree in Gilmer, Heritage Syrup Festival in Henderson, to name a few!

 

[valley ranch]

 

[thistlebloom]

Like at my sisters house!

 

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

 

[Nyboy]

I still have and use a Swiss Army knife my Grandfather gave me for 17 birthday

 

[valley ranch]

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat.
One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: Well, your horse has a virus.
He must take this medicine for three days.
I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The goat approached the horse and said: Be strong, my friend.
Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!

On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The goat came back and said: Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die!
Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three...

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:
Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow.
Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: Listen pal, it's now or never!
Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on... Fantastic! Run, run more!
Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!

All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting:
It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a grand party. Let's Cook the goat!!!!

Lesson: Management never knows which employee actually deserves the appraisal.