Garden humor thread..

[Beekissed]

The school board closed the schools because the kids smelled of onions?

Now, that's funny!

Kids smell, sometimes - not so good .

DD had a good teacher in grade school who would often burn a candle in front of her desk. On visits, I was humored by that but didn't comment ... She is also a neighbor and I have always enjoyed driving by Ms Mueller's home and seeing what an interesting landscaping she has. Pretty place.

Steve

No, Hon...not onions. Take onions, add garlic, boil it down until it's concentrated and makes your eyes water, then times that by a thousand and you can almost...but not quite...imagine the smell of a school full of kids who are seeping ramps from their pores, breathing it from their mouths, etc.

Onions! Hah! We are talking the devil's mouthwash here.

 

[flowerbug]

@Beekissed sounds good to me!

 

[valley ranch]

As a bagpiper, he play many places. Recently he was asked by a funeral director
to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends,
so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

As he was not familiar with the backwoods he got lost , and maybe it's a man thing,
but he didn't stop for directions.

He finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone.
There were only the diggers and they were eating lunch.
He felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. He went to the grave and looked down.
The vault lid was already in place. He didn't know what else to do, so he started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and gathered around.
he played out my heart and soul
for this man with no family and friends. He played like he'd never played before for
this homeless man.
As he played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, he wept,we all wept together.
When he finished he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car.
Though his head hung low, his heart was full.

As he opened the door to his car, he heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin'
like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

 

[valley ranch]

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do.
Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry,
just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.
Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea!
Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water.
I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing.
It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

 

[valley ranch]

Someone must have hacked my account~ I disavow that last post

 

[valley ranch]

 

[valley ranch]

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers

 

[valley ranch]

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

 

[Beekissed]

Just saw this ad in our local free ad publication, under "Other Animals"...copy and pasted it here. What....?

hormones, free range w/corn added, $200 cash; ### 985-4112

 

[Carol Dee]

These two seem to go together. Right guys?