aftermidnight
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keeping you in my thoughts.Annette
My Dad
- Thread starter journey11
- Start date
keeping you in my thoughts.Annette
- Thread starter
- #32
journey11
Garden Master
According to the Law, your father is sane and rational for legal purposes until a Judge decrees him otherwise so there is time once he is home with you to attend to the tasks of getting his affairs in order.
You will have to deal with a few Social Welfare types and further assessments once he has left the hospital so be sure where he goes first is suitable for his situation. The whole affair is tough and one foot at a time is the best way to work at this time. Hopefully, getting him back into his familiar surroundings will allow you and yours to take a few slow breaths before attacking the next steps.
Smart Red, I think you are right that he will do so much better once he gets home. It seems to only flare up when they have moved him to a new room or at night. He has had a private room the whole time he has been there, but they tried to put a roommate in with him last night and that was very upsetting for him. He did eventually calm down and he and my brother had a good day together. We decided to start switching off. Now that he is out of the woods for the time being, there is no reason for all of us to be there every day. Good rest will help a lot too. He has had a constant flow of many visitors.
@baymule , I have been out of the loop for so long that I did not hear what your hubby was going in for surgery for today, but I prayed for you guys anyway. God knows all about it either way!
baymule
Garden Master
@journey11 my husband is finally having his knee replacement surgery next week on the 23rd. Thanks for the prayers.
It is important to know that each episode your Dad has that throws him out of his normal routine will be a setback for him. Once you get him home and he feels more like himself, he should improve. But if he goes back in the hospital, he can lose a little of himself. I watched my mother's mental state decline slowly, but each interruption of her normal, such as a trip to the hospital, accelerated the loss. Not trying to sound gloomy, but it is better to know and be forewarned than get blindsided. Either way, it hurts to see your Dad lose a little more of himself.
In Texas, a homeowner can qualify for Medicaid, get treatment in a nursing home, but when that person dies, the state can seize the home to pay the state back for the money spent on nursing care. I know your Dad isn't anywhere near a nursing home, but you mentioned that he has a farm, home and other assets. You might want to check out the laws for your state. You sounded worried about losing his farm, just don't make any hasty decisions. But don't waffle on making hard decisions either.
My Mom had a stroke in 2012 and when she got out of the hospital, she went to a nursing home for rehab. I was at the nursing home 2-3 times a day, encouraging her physical therapy, taking her outside and helping her with supper. I wanted her to get her life back so bad, but it was not to be. When she went home, it became evident that she couldn't stay by herself. I brought her to our house during the day and took her home in the evening. My husband kept telling her to move in with us, so finally she made the decision to do so. She sold her house and moved in with us. While she didn't require 24-7 intense care, I couldn't leave her alone. I can't count the times she slipped out the front door, pushing her walker and took off up the street. I had to watch her all the time.
I hope that you can take your Dad home, but be proactive and start making plans for further care. You might have to sell some of his assets to pay for his insurance, care and general expenses. Even though he lives with you, he will have expenses. A nursing home, read that Medicaid and the state, can back up for 7 years to see what happened to assets. If he does have to finally go to a home, be prepared to pay a lot of money for his care. My Mom didn't qualify for Medicaid and was a self pay. I think the limit is less than $2000 in assets. Ridiculous.
Big hugs to you.
It is important to know that each episode your Dad has that throws him out of his normal routine will be a setback for him. Once you get him home and he feels more like himself, he should improve. But if he goes back in the hospital, he can lose a little of himself. I watched my mother's mental state decline slowly, but each interruption of her normal, such as a trip to the hospital, accelerated the loss. Not trying to sound gloomy, but it is better to know and be forewarned than get blindsided. Either way, it hurts to see your Dad lose a little more of himself.
In Texas, a homeowner can qualify for Medicaid, get treatment in a nursing home, but when that person dies, the state can seize the home to pay the state back for the money spent on nursing care. I know your Dad isn't anywhere near a nursing home, but you mentioned that he has a farm, home and other assets. You might want to check out the laws for your state. You sounded worried about losing his farm, just don't make any hasty decisions. But don't waffle on making hard decisions either.
My Mom had a stroke in 2012 and when she got out of the hospital, she went to a nursing home for rehab. I was at the nursing home 2-3 times a day, encouraging her physical therapy, taking her outside and helping her with supper. I wanted her to get her life back so bad, but it was not to be. When she went home, it became evident that she couldn't stay by herself. I brought her to our house during the day and took her home in the evening. My husband kept telling her to move in with us, so finally she made the decision to do so. She sold her house and moved in with us. While she didn't require 24-7 intense care, I couldn't leave her alone. I can't count the times she slipped out the front door, pushing her walker and took off up the street. I had to watch her all the time.
I hope that you can take your Dad home, but be proactive and start making plans for further care. You might have to sell some of his assets to pay for his insurance, care and general expenses. Even though he lives with you, he will have expenses. A nursing home, read that Medicaid and the state, can back up for 7 years to see what happened to assets. If he does have to finally go to a home, be prepared to pay a lot of money for his care. My Mom didn't qualify for Medicaid and was a self pay. I think the limit is less than $2000 in assets. Ridiculous.
Big hugs to you.
so lucky
Garden Master
You and your siblings probably need to decide which of you will be the decision maker; the one who makes the phone calls and arrangements for your dad's needs. I was lucky too, in that my siblings left it all up to me, but didn't fight me on anything. Hopefully you and your siblings will agree on most things.
I am continuing to pray for you and send healing thoughts your way.
I am continuing to pray for you and send healing thoughts your way.
- Thread starter
- #35
journey11
Garden Master
Thanks, So Lucky. We did talk about it. I'm the eldest and closest to my dad, so they are fine with me doing all of that stuff. We've all been pulling in the same direction so far. My brother is a bit hasty and overreacts to things, but eventually sees reason and calms down. They haven't assessed my dad's abilities yet. They are waiting until he is well rested and healing well. There could still be some swelling on the brain from the surgery itself, so it is expected that he will likely be able to make his own decisions at this point. He has had some spells of memory trouble and difficulty understanding at times, since that is what that part of the brain controls. But most of the time he is very clear, although he keeps misusing certain nouns. He actually knows he is in the hospital, but will say "dealership" or "office" repeatedly, because that is all he knows from working so hard all his life. Or he'll say bring me that box, when he meant to say bag. Odd little things like that. When he gets home and settled back in, we will all sit down and go over these things. I'd like to be able to help him with making the annoying calls to the insurance and tedious things of that nature. Most people wouldn't understand a lot of that jargon on a good day! I've been working behind the scenes to make sure all the bases are covered. My next concern is making sure he doesn't lose his insurance coverage. Some of these are things he could technically do, but who wants to be making all of those phone calls when you're laid up in the hospital anyway. It would help if I had temporary power of attorney right now. I wish he had set those things up when he had the chance. I have learned a lot and will be getting my own will, etc. done up here very soon!
Collector
Garden Master
I pray things will get better day by day for you and your family.
Jared77
Garden Addicted
@journey11 Im so sorry I wasn't around sooner but am glad to test things are getting better.
I'd call the insurance company and explain the situation. Let the help you. You may not need a power of attorney if you're just writing checks till he is able to. See what they need so you are not wasting resources on something you don't need. One step at a time
I'd call the insurance company and explain the situation. Let the help you. You may not need a power of attorney if you're just writing checks till he is able to. See what they need so you are not wasting resources on something you don't need. One step at a time
- Thread starter
- #38
journey11
Garden Master
Well, things have simmered down for the time being. I did get the medical and durable powers of attorney in place. Been a lot of phone calls and business over the past week.
Dad is steady on his feet now, eating well and feeling more like his old self. Only problem now is that he's feeling good and is stuck at home (no driving) and is bored to tears. He's been cleaning and sorting.
He and my brother had a falling out the other day, so my brother is not staying at night anymore. Adam had brought him some more medical equipment, a shower chair and something else that someone had given him for free. My dad was insulted at the implication that he might need it and hurt my brother's feelings. Brother has a short fuse as it is. My sister and I are taking turns bringing him dinner each night and filling his pill case (actually bottom half of an egg carton, since he has 6 doses of pills per day). I go over and clean and spend time with him when I can. I had to take all of the paperwork and such home because it was too hard to get it done over there, since Dad distracts me quite a bit.
He told my grandma the other day (after the argument) that he didn't want to do the chemo now. He hasn't said that to me though. It is his choice, but I am going to make sure he's well informed before he commits to that. My 85-year-old neighbor did 6 weeks of chemo/radiation for lung cancer this winter and did just fine. He's back out working in his shop and yard now.
Dad is pretty much independent for the moment, but he has been having some trouble with his short term memory and trouble with comprehension. It comes and goes. Most of the time his mind is clear, so we'll have to ask the doctor what is causing it. Seems worse when he is tired. The stinkin' Social Security Administration called at 7:30am this morning and woke him up from a deep sleep. That threw him into another spell of confusion. He called me right after and couldn't remember what he'd had surgery for or what Parkinson's is. He did go back to normal a couple hours later. He also told me he heard muffled voices at some point last night, which is a possible side-effect of his Keppra (anti-seizure med). It didn't scare him. It could have been a neighbor outside too.
Just taking it a day at a time right now. I can't think too far into the future or what may need to be done tomorrow, next week, next month... There is new strength given for each new day. You've heard the saying about not letting tomorrow's worries rob you of today's strength. Matthew 6:34. That's where I'm at right now.
Savannah is sick today, so I am HOME and trying to get a few things done around here. I hear my seed trays calling to me...
Dad is steady on his feet now, eating well and feeling more like his old self. Only problem now is that he's feeling good and is stuck at home (no driving) and is bored to tears. He's been cleaning and sorting.
He and my brother had a falling out the other day, so my brother is not staying at night anymore. Adam had brought him some more medical equipment, a shower chair and something else that someone had given him for free. My dad was insulted at the implication that he might need it and hurt my brother's feelings. Brother has a short fuse as it is. My sister and I are taking turns bringing him dinner each night and filling his pill case (actually bottom half of an egg carton, since he has 6 doses of pills per day). I go over and clean and spend time with him when I can. I had to take all of the paperwork and such home because it was too hard to get it done over there, since Dad distracts me quite a bit.
He told my grandma the other day (after the argument) that he didn't want to do the chemo now. He hasn't said that to me though. It is his choice, but I am going to make sure he's well informed before he commits to that. My 85-year-old neighbor did 6 weeks of chemo/radiation for lung cancer this winter and did just fine. He's back out working in his shop and yard now.
Dad is pretty much independent for the moment, but he has been having some trouble with his short term memory and trouble with comprehension. It comes and goes. Most of the time his mind is clear, so we'll have to ask the doctor what is causing it. Seems worse when he is tired. The stinkin' Social Security Administration called at 7:30am this morning and woke him up from a deep sleep. That threw him into another spell of confusion. He called me right after and couldn't remember what he'd had surgery for or what Parkinson's is. He did go back to normal a couple hours later. He also told me he heard muffled voices at some point last night, which is a possible side-effect of his Keppra (anti-seizure med). It didn't scare him. It could have been a neighbor outside too.
Just taking it a day at a time right now. I can't think too far into the future or what may need to be done tomorrow, next week, next month... There is new strength given for each new day. You've heard the saying about not letting tomorrow's worries rob you of today's strength. Matthew 6:34. That's where I'm at right now.
Savannah is sick today, so I am HOME and trying to get a few things done around here. I hear my seed trays calling to me...
so lucky
Garden Master
It sounds like you are straight in your own head and heart. I'm glad you got the powers of attorney and such taken care of. You will probably develop a routine that works for you, and I bet your dad's memory will improve with time. Being in the hospital is traumatic in the best of circumstances.
- Thread starter
- #40
journey11
Garden Master
It sounds like you are straight in your own head and heart. I'm glad you got the powers of attorney and such taken care of. You will probably develop a routine that works for you, and I bet your dad's memory will improve with time. Being in the hospital is traumatic in the best of circumstances.
That's what I am hoping too, that maybe there is just some residual swelling, or where they operated that the connections will straighten themselves out in time. Many of the accounts I have read on GBM support group forums have said that they do not typically lose their "self".
