No wonder some animals eat their young

[Ridgerunner]

The way I understand it, one daughter and her two kids are living with a convicted rapist in the house you fixed up for her before the rapist entered the picture. The other daughter with one son and her boyfriend is staying with you two in your home. What a mess. You raise them the best you can but they ultimately make their own decisions. Once they are adults they are adults even if they don't act like it.

I don't know the personalities of any of them. I'd certainly want to know the details of what rape he was convicted of. Is he just a person that made a serious youthful mistake and has learned better or is he a predator. Is he abusive or likely to be abusive toward her or your grandkids? Some people learn from their mistakes but that is a huge red flag. You could alienate your daughter where you lose contact but I think I'd want to stay in close contact so I could monitor the situation and get child protective services involved if you need to. The more you try to run him down the more likely she is to defend him. Monty I'm not sure diplomacy is your strong suite but this situation may call for it to protect your grandkids.

Many years ago my wife and I talked about trying to take her kids away from my sister and raise them ourselves but we realized we would not win that legal battle. Instead we supported the kids as best we could and stayed on good terms with my sister. One of those kids is a total mess but the other has matured into a decent human being.

Just because the guy living in your house with your other daughter is the son of your best friend doesn't say anything about his character. He may be great or he may be a loser. I used to be opposed to people living together not being married but that's not the world we live in any more. I think this daughter made a good decision to get out of that other situation but it is hard on you all. I don't know how permanent that guy is in her life but hopefully it is only a temporary situation while she and maybe they get straightened out.

I feel for you. Your life just got harder, a lot harder.

 

[catjac1975]

Many years ago a women I know allowed a convicted rapist of an underage girl to move in with her and her 4 kids. As Jared mentioned the details were a bit unclear. He got 30 days in jail as a plea bargain, which to me indicates it was a difficult to prove case. The girl in question was 13. I knew him a bit and he seemed like a great guy. The women lost her kids to her ex with no visitation. A daughter, my daughter friend and 8 years old at the time never really knew any details. Just that her mother abandoned her. The Mom is still with the guy 25 years later. The grown children are varying degrees of a mess. You two may be raising more kids.

 

[dewdropsinwv]

It is public record about the "rapist" it was 1st degree. I am not sure of the age of the girl he raped I have heard she was 14, but also heard she was 12 he was 21? He got a suspended sentence with 5 years probation. I knew I did not like him from the minute I met him.
Our granddaughter is fine, she is with her daddy right now. I do not know what his plans are just yet.
But I do not know what to do about our grandson living in that house. With all the people living here, I do not think he would be allowed to live here.
Not sure what the plans are with the daughter living her are. The boyfriend will have to find other living arrangements.

 

[ninnymary]

As long as that boyfriend is living with you and working, I would charge him rent.

Mary

 

[MontyJ]

He was convicted of 1st degree sexual assault of a minor. He is required to be registered as a sex offender and report an address. The church my daughter attended told her to never bring him back because he was constantly flirting with a 14 year old girl there.
Daughter 2 said he wouldn't leave her alone and made her feel very uncomfortable. When she rejected him he bacame more and more verbally abusive.

 

[so lucky]

Do the authorities know where he is? And the living arrangements? He is probably breaking the terms of his probation by living with a child in the home. He may be bound for jail if the court would find out. Do you think he is still under probation?

 

[thistlebloom]

I would do what seems right for the grandkids. Your first daughters boyfriend is a predator and the kids are in danger. Even if what you decide to do alienates her, she's made a very stupid decision.

My parents youngest has made extremely bad decisions and choices throughout her entire adult life.And she knew very well the difference between right and wrong.
My parents tolerated it because she has a health condition that she used to manipulate them and make them feel guilty. Her choices have had repercussions throughout the entire family.
Right now she is living with a felon child molester that got 10 years.
My parents allowed them both to move in with them at the end of their lives, and it was hell. For them and the rest of us who are still dealing with the mess.

You are in a difficult position, and I know you two will make the best decision possible. You still have one in the nest, protect her. If your other two daughters don't learn from their mistakes, hopefully she will.

 

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

He was convicted of 1st degree sexual assault of a minor. He is required to be registered as a sex offender and report an address. The church my daughter attended told her to never bring him back because he was constantly flirting with a 14 year old girl there.
Daughter 2 said he wouldn't leave her alone and made her feel very uncomfortable. When she rejected him he bacame more and more verbally abusive.

safety of the children would be my top concern with someone in the house like that. she could get in more trouble for having him there and not trying to protect those kids by getting him away from all of them. especially if something DOES happen while he's in the picture.

see if you have a group like SASS which works with families of domestic abuse/assault or in just threatening situations. she should also contact this guy's probation officer if he is starting to threaten her or the kids for trying to kick him to the curb.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I'd be talking to child protective services. He is a predator. Sometimes it is worth alienating a daughter. She's beyond help until she wakes up. Protect your grandkids.

When I was active in Boy Scouts, a leader in a different troop was convicted of raping his 13 year old niece. His wife insisted he was innocent. He got a slap on the risk and the judge expunged his record. The scoutmaster still allowed him to take part in troop activities and go on camping trips. He believed the wife.

I contacted Scout headquarters and told them what was going on. They said they were aware of it but since the judge expunged his record they could not do anything. Nothing showed up on the police background check. Thank you judge. I hope that was a nice campaign contribution.

In less than a year he was convicted of raping his 13 year old step daughter. His wife, the step daughter's mother, still proclaimed him innocent. Some people are beyond help.

 

[seedcorn]

He was convicted of 1st degree sexual assault of a minor. He is required to be registered as a sex offender and report an address. The church my daughter attended told her to never bring him back because he was constantly flirting with a 14 year old girl there.
Daughter 2 said he wouldn't leave her alone and made her feel very uncomfortable. When she rejected him he bacame more and more verbally abusive.

take him fishing use him for bait