Garden humor thread..

[Ridgerunner]

It was bound to happen. Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty got together and realized there was only one Prince Charming.

 

[flowerbug]

It was bound to happen. Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty got together and realized there was only one Prince Charming.

dang internet!

 

[Carol Dee]

 

[digitS']

 

[flowerbug]

View attachment 47611

it means you have unclogged drainage holes. a good thing. lettuce not be too rootbound.

 

[Pulsegleaner]

Two ancient anecdotes

The first from China

Two weary travelers came to an inn, and went in for a drink.
Over the bar there was written "Rice Wine, 1 copper per cup. Best Aged Vinegar, 2 coppers per cup."
They both ordered the wine, sat down, and the waitress brought over their cups.
The first one took a sip, made a face and spat. "Ugh," he said "They've given us the vinegar by mistake!"
The second one bends over, and whispers "Shh, not so loud, or they'll charge us double."

And now, one from Hungary

A farmer, who had come to the city to sell his produce, had turned a good profit on it, and decided to go into an inn and celebrate.
When he got there, and sat down, he looked around and saw that everyone else in the inn was eating something white from tiny dishes. Calling the waitress over, he inquired what the substance was.
"That," she said, "is the specialty of the house, pickled horseradish. Shall I bring you a small plate?"
The farmer turned to her and said "No, I have made a lot of money today and am in the mood to celebrate. Bring me a GREAT BIG plate."

 

[Zeedman]

View attachment 47611

In my case, that tingly feeling would be my wallet, yearning for a little green-on-green action.

 

[Ridgerunner]

How to kill mosquitoes:

Get a teaspoon, fill it with tequila, place it on the ground. A few inches from it, place a matchstick. Place a rock a few inches from the matchstick.

The mosquito flies by, sees the tequila and lands in the spoon to drink it. Being too drunk to fly, he starts walking and stumbles over the matchstick, hitting his head on the rock and dying of the resulting concussion.

 

[Marie2020]

How to kill mosquitoes:

Get a teaspoon, fill it with tequila, place it on the ground. A few inches from it, place a matchstick. Place a rock a few inches from the matchstick.

The mosquito flies by, sees the tequila and lands in the spoon to drink it. Being too drunk to fly, he starts walking and stumbles over the matchstick, hitting his head on the rock and dying of the resulting concussion.

I wish I could catch mice that way

 

[Pulsegleaner]

I have been debating for a while about posting some of my own sayings and credos (besides the St. Patrick's one). The main thing is that, when I put them into words and look at them objectively, a lot of them are probably pretty lousy advice. So take everything below with several grains of salt.

"Don't think of your successes, only of your failures."
"Never focus on how far you have come, only on how far you still have to go."
"Absolute total perfection is the MINIMUM acceptable level."
"Every person must be prepared to take the whole weight of the world on their shoulders, ALL ALONE."
"You, and ONLY you, are responsible for everything that ever has gone, is going, or will go wrong with the world."
"The least you can do is EVERYTHING."
"You have NEVER done, nor suffered, enough; and never can."

I wish I could catch mice that way

Reminds me of an old George Burns/Gracie Allen bit, when Gracie is explaining why she bought ping-pong balls instead of mothballs (they were cheaper).

George: "But they don't kill any moths!"
Gracie: "On yes they do, when the moths bite into them, there's nothing inside, and they starve to death."

On a more realistic tangent, it also reminds me of the last year I was at my summer camp in Massachusetts. When me and everyone else in my bunk had settled in, one of the FIRST thing that happened was that everyone started complaining about the huge number of mosquitos in the cabin. I, who had already been at the camp previous years (and so knew the area), went out, went to the nature path one the other side of the parking lot (which I'm not sure you were supposed to do without a councilor) And then returned; with ARMLOADS of sweet shrub leaves (which I had learned the previous year were a mosquito repellent.). I was VERY popular that year!