Next one (since I am using a semi-obscure rendition of a somewhat obscure song, I'll do everyone a favor and post a link to the original at the end.)
Junk Eater's Defense
Travelin' down that fast food row,
listen to my rubber tires squeal.
Goodbye Panera and Pret a Manger,
I need a fattier meal
I've been a junk eater all of my life,
my fat craving will never ce-ease.
Got a gut like a truck tire ready to burst,
Sweat as slick as the grease.
Somebody said, "That a strange tatoo"
Ya' have on you face neck and chops.
Ah, said, that the vein marks left by the lard
A little more and my heart stops.
But I love the texture, and I love the taste,
I love the sizzilin' gri-il.
And their ain't no way that I'll ever stop.
'cause I'm never getting my fill.
I stood for the franchises, paid for their junk,
Swallowed my giant sweet tea
I stood up for trans-fats and sodium hikes,
Now who's gonna stand with me?
I've got no cast and I've got no heath
Just a blubber layer thick as a se-el.
And some blown out veins on the side of my head,
left by the Jumbo Sized meal.
Someday, when I'm dead and gone,
To heaven, the land of my dreams
I won't have to worry 'bout, shrinking mah gut,
Bout' running and new weight loss schemes
I ain't gonna pay my money away
For beans sprouts or dry brewer's yee-east.
I'm gonna chow down while this food is around
Then gorge at the Heavenly feast.