Truck Update
- Thread starter Nyboy
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seedcorn
Garden Master
Reap what you sow. Agree. How we take care of our folks is what we are training our children to do. Not that they will necessarily do that but if they see us ignore them, strong possibility they will us.
And those of us that don't have children close in distance, move. Kids are trying to make a life. I couldn't get mine to move, wife fighting it but I told her, we will move so that they don't have to drive to help.
And those of us that don't have children close in distance, move. Kids are trying to make a life. I couldn't get mine to move, wife fighting it but I told her, we will move so that they don't have to drive to help.
thistlebloom
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What do you do if they all live in different states?
seedcorn
Garden Master
Not sure. Guess pick one. I just know it tore me up that mine were 7 hours away and they needed help. No work where they moved to. Would have been so much easier IF they would have moved near me. Plan on doing that for my kids.
thistlebloom
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I know what you're saying Seed. Mine were 12 hours away if you broke every speed limit and wore Depends, or 14 if you drove like a sane person and took a few breaks.
They wouldn't move here, they figured they got out once and were never coming back. We would have built them a nice granny flat, we offered. Same with my sis in MO. They said no thanks.
But they would have loved us to move where they chose to retire. My dad told my husband he could get a job as a guard at the new maximum security prison that had been built near them. Gee, thanks dad, just the oppressive sort of job we've been dreaming about.
In the sad end, it was the lying manipulator thief child they chose to care for them. Heartbreaking.
- Thread starter
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Nyboy
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My Grandfather was very upset when my cousins put their mom in a nursing home. He said a mother can take care of 6 children, but 6 children can not take care of 1 mother.
Carol Dee
Garden Master
AMEN, that is the sad truth!
Smart Red
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There are problems taking care of parents. The role reversal is difficult for some. I know Spouse won't listen to me the way he does to a nurse or doctor (or even our son). Being his wife puts me into a different role than that of caretaker. That can be more stressful and difficult than having someone paid to do exactly the same caregiving.
Not everyone is equipped financially, emotionally, or physically to be a caregiver in that way. Add young children and the everyday stresses of a job -- even a long commute -- and it can be too much to do. It can also be hard for a child's marriage to survive the problems of caring for the elderly parents of the other spouse.
I know of several families where the ultimatum was given "them or me" and the marriage fell apart.
I love the guy! I expect to be able to manage his care for a long time right here at home, and while I expect I will enjoy the break of sharing Spouse's care, I worry a bit about our son's marriage when/if his family moves in with us this fall. He and the grands are really up with the idea, but I haven't heard much about how D-I-L feels. I'm afraid she will say okay, but feel like a martyr, using the situation as an excuse to justify leaving. She/they already have problems with her emotional stability and drinking at times.
On the down side and, of course, there is a down side, I'm not sure what I can do if Spouse gets violent. He's never been. He's always been the most caring and considerate person, but his frustration is growing. He's slammed his hand against the wall, threatened to break (car door, tv, patio door) things, kicked at the cats (I don't have any cats), and yesterday he threw a log at the dog. Fortunately, he mostly missed and after a couple of limps off her right front paw she was running and playing just fine.
Certainly could have been much worse, but it does worry me.
Not everyone is equipped financially, emotionally, or physically to be a caregiver in that way. Add young children and the everyday stresses of a job -- even a long commute -- and it can be too much to do. It can also be hard for a child's marriage to survive the problems of caring for the elderly parents of the other spouse.
I know of several families where the ultimatum was given "them or me" and the marriage fell apart.
I love the guy! I expect to be able to manage his care for a long time right here at home, and while I expect I will enjoy the break of sharing Spouse's care, I worry a bit about our son's marriage when/if his family moves in with us this fall. He and the grands are really up with the idea, but I haven't heard much about how D-I-L feels. I'm afraid she will say okay, but feel like a martyr, using the situation as an excuse to justify leaving. She/they already have problems with her emotional stability and drinking at times.
On the down side and, of course, there is a down side, I'm not sure what I can do if Spouse gets violent. He's never been. He's always been the most caring and considerate person, but his frustration is growing. He's slammed his hand against the wall, threatened to break (car door, tv, patio door) things, kicked at the cats (I don't have any cats), and yesterday he threw a log at the dog. Fortunately, he mostly missed and after a couple of limps off her right front paw she was running and playing just fine.
Certainly could have been much worse, but it does worry me.
Chickie'sMomaInNH
Garden Master
i'm happy my family is all fairly close. my sister is about 1 1/2 hours southwest of us, grandma & couple uncles & aunt & a few cousins are about 1 1/2 south in Lynn, MA & my parents are about 10 min across town for me.
