Family Restaurant

[Phaedra]

Today is a busy Monday. We arrived at about 7 am, and the delivery service also came just a few minutes later.

I have boiled eggs, coffee, and some sliced bread for a quick breakfast. Then my housekeeping work began.
The small fridge (without freezer) in the kitchen is refilled.

Whatever was used during the weekend was washed.

The ground floor is almost done, so I started cleaning the second floor. Here is the other (poor, sad, and bloody dirty) fridge. It took me about two hours to bring it back to life.

It was once our fridge, so I am happy to see it is clean and shiny again.

Then the lunch today: Italian pasta dumplings and vegetables in pumpkin cheese sauce/sauerkraut + sausages/salat/grape juice.

In the evening, my husband brought him to the dentist, and I cleaned his table and bed within less than one hour. On the one hand, I am surprised at how efficient I can be; on the other hand, I felt like an intruder doing necessary evils.

After throwing around 10kg of trash away and cleaning the surface hard, the desk looks like a desk again.

With all these hard works, I need comfort food for myself. So, it's time for fried instant noodles!

I want to write more about how I felt recently, but I need to go to bed now. Let's chat tomorrow.

 

[Phaedra]

Every day would be a blessing, a lesson, or both. In my FIL's house, there is a lot of such old but delicate tableware locked in the huge cabinets. Meanwhile, what they use daily are quite damaged ones.

I take out some pieces for his meals and desserts from time to time. Why lock those good things somewhere in the dark? I would only keep very few items (most are not my style), or some we might sell via ETSY or eBay. The rest would be cleaned away by companies that take care of household disposals.

Whatever he was once so much interested in and collected is no longer remembered and drifted away from his life day by day. Toy railway (there are so many of them!), stamps, gardening, genealogy research...are all gone with the wind.

It's sad, as time won't stop.

My teenage daughter was overwhelmed today by a sudden and strong sadness she experienced while taking care of him. She ran to another room and cried for a while.

I tried to offer some comfort by telling her: let's think this way - compared with us, dementia patients have much more chapters in their journey. Every few minutes, they enter the next chapter. Emotions won't linger on their minds, and there is almost no regret.

As a caretaker, treating dementia as a friend will be more helpful than as a foe. We can focus on participating and co-creating more happy mini-chapters with them.

I agreed with what @digitS' said a few days ago - memory might sometimes mislead or fool us. For some while, I felt guilty about renovating the house. After all, the changing new look would probably make him more confused d. However, there is no perfect solution. All we can do is figure out the optimized alternative under all kinds of dynamic constraints. When any variant alters, we need to respond quickly and find another balanced solution.

 

[flowerbug]

it is very difficult at times.

i hope by cleaning your FIL wasn't too confused and i would guess that all you could do was observe how he got along and if he was able to do what was needed. i think the hardest thing would be if you moved all his furniture or things all at once. it would be like having to live in a whole new world.

 

[Phaedra]

The renovation went on, and the kitchen became where he liked to stay during the day. It's bright and clean - and we prepare many books, magazines, newspapers, and cookies.

New devices all arrived and were installed.

There were many non-kitchen items in the drawers. As they could not find those items, they bought similar things repeatedly. Till today I have found more than 30 scissors. It's the same for batteries, trash bags, cleaning agents, etc. I cleaned one small room in the basement as the pantry and removed all unnecessary items from the kitchen. The pantry is gradually established, and the space in the kitchen is also released.

Many good things have their new homes with the released spaces, too.

Tulips are already available in all kinds of supermarkets.

He loves and always enjoys flowers. In the past, he brought me flowers every week from his cottage garden in the countryside from late spring to early autumn.

My husband and I have decided to come here also on Sunday; so we will be here every day.

I didn't expect him to notice the newly-arranged flower decoration, but he did. Every time he passed this corner, he would mention how much he liked them. He also knew they were artificial flowers and would always explain why artificial flowers are also practical as decorations.

I also started pruning the roses, sending stuff to the compost bin, and preparing some space for the five coming quails. Of course, it's always my pleasure to prepare good food for him. As usual, kitchen scraps will be collected for chickens and compost bins.

It's a new chapter anyway, and we actively create and participate in his daily life.

 

[baymule]

In this busy world, elderly parents are often shoved aside, and more sadly, forgotten about. You are a very special lady and this shows why. The love you have for your father in law is in every artificial flower, every tulip, every meal, the hours of organizing and cleaning his house and the care you lavish on him. What’s even better is your husband honoring his father and tending to him daily with love in his heart. Every elderly parent should be so loved!

 

[Marie2020]

The renovation went on, and the kitchen became where he liked to stay during the day. It's bright and clean - and we prepare many books, magazines, newspapers, and cookies.

View attachment 46930

View attachment 46922

New devices all arrived and were installed.
View attachment 46920
There were many non-kitchen items in the drawers. As they could not find those items, they bought similar things repeatedly. Till today I have found more than 30 scissors. It's the same for batteries, trash bags, cleaning agents, etc. I cleaned one small room in the basement as the pantry and removed all unnecessary items from the kitchen. The pantry is gradually established, and the space in the kitchen is also released.

View attachment 46923

Many good things have their new homes with the released spaces, too.
View attachment 46924
Tulips are already available in all kinds of supermarkets.
View attachment 46925
He loves and always enjoys flowers. In the past, he brought me flowers every week from his cottage garden in the countryside from late spring to early autumn.
View attachment 46926

My husband and I have decided to come here also on Sunday; so we will be here every day.
View attachment 46927

I didn't expect him to notice the newly-arranged flower decoration, but he did. Every time he passed this corner, he would mention how much he liked them. He also knew they were artificial flowers and would always explain why artificial flowers are also practical as decorations.
View attachment 46928

I also started pruning the roses, sending stuff to the compost bin, and preparing some space for the five coming quails. Of course, it's always my pleasure to prepare good food for him. As usual, kitchen scraps will be collected for chickens and compost bins.
View attachment 46929

It's a new chapter anyway, and we actively create and participate in his daily life.

You're a sweet angel. What beautiful things you do with so much love and care all the comforts anyone could ever want are provided by you ❤️

 

[Phaedra]

Spring is on the way!

His teeth are also not that good now; soft, finely chopped ingredients with gravy are always welcome. Although there are many dishes I could have done, I realized soon that he couldn't really enjoy them.

Fruits are the same - soft ones like berries, ripen pears, and kiwis with a few spoons of ice cream could easily make him happy.

I kept doing what I could accomplish alone. The kitchen keeps upgrading, and I can see the
light at the end of the tunnel!

The old light tubes are removed from the kitchen and re-located to the pantry. An old working bench stayed there silently for a long time after the owner no longer used it to make or repair things.

With some simple cleaning, it is back on duty again. Both light tubes are installed here; super bright!

Of course, I was the first user! Tomorrow, the laundry room should start functioning again, so I assembled some easy pieces. I would say a bright and clean space makes such hands-on work easier.

Before leaving for home, I would prepare his dinner. Most elder Germans are used to cold dinner, so it's not complicated. Besides, he usually has afternoon tea (a small cake and tea), so dinner is always light.

Veggies are also growing in the small garden. This year I will plant most of the warmth-loving plants in this garden. When spring arrives, the garden will offer more joy for all of us.

 

[Phaedra]

After about 1.5 months, the kitchen here in my FIL's house is a whole new space. The new light which was installed today finalized the bright and delightful atmosphere.

The stain on the wall was removed with the new paint, and the new trash bin is also on board.

It's no longer that sad and worn-out kitchen.

Let's enjoy more joyful food and moments here.

He finished almost everything recently!

Now I can also work happily in this kitchen. I love Brussel sprouts very much - they are cute mini cabbages. When we eat Brussel sprouts, chickens will also have their share.

My FIL spent at least 8 hours in this kitchen. That's why I want to make it as comfortable as possible for him.

 

[Phaedra]

Guess, what is the next project I am working? I have almost zero handyman skill. 🤪

 

[flowerbug]

Guess, what is the next project I am working? I have almost zero handyman skill. 🤪
View attachment 47041

quail run or frame for hoop house.